


Sometimes the Past Catches Up With You

by thatwriterlady



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Alternate Universe, Big Brother Dean, Broken Dean, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Consolation, Dean Winchester and Feelings, Drinking, Drunk Texting, F/M, Fear, Foster Care, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Nightmares, Pain, Parent-Child Relationship, Protective Bobby Singer, Rescue, Separation Anxiety, Starvation, True Love, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3671739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwriterlady/pseuds/thatwriterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is a successful business owner with a chain of auto repair shops, but he has lived a life far lonlier than he would ever admit to anyone.  More out of nostalgia than anything he decides to open up a shop in the state where he spent the first thireen years of his life, though those years brought more heartache than anything.  In the early summer of 1989 John Winchester disappeared leaving his two young sons alone in a motel room.  When he didn't return and Dean was unable to reach Bobby, he begins to panic.  The money he has to keep renting the room is almost gone, and the food ran out days ago.  He and Sam are slowly starting to starve and he's scared.  A kind motel employee does what she thinks is best and calls the police.  Dean and Sam end up in foster care, Sam going to stay with the Coopers, Dean going to stay with the Novaks.  Miserable, alone, and feeling abandoned by his father, Dean pulls away, except he comes to feel a connection with one of the boys in the Novak family.  As Dean struggles to come to terms with his sexuality and his feelings for Castiel, he also is desperate to go home.  Plenty of adolescent angst and some adult angst too.  This doesn't let me add enough detail, so read the notes for more...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Abandonment Issues

**Author's Note:**

> This story will bounce back and forth between 1989 and 2015. It starts off with eleven year old Dean and seven year old Sam being abandoned in a rundown motel in Wichita Kansas by their father for reasons they won't learn until many years later, and with food gone and the money to rent the room running out quickly, Dean is terrified. The boys end up separated and in foster care. Dean is plagued by nightmares in his foster home, but he makes friends with the other kids, and though he misses his brother terribly, he begins to settle into his new life. What he doesn't expect is when he begins to have feelings for one of the Novak boys. He struggles with his sexuality, not realizing that Castiel was having the exact same struggle. It's angsty as Dean tries to come to terms not only with his sexuality but also with his feelings, all while trying desperately to reach Bobby. 
> 
> If you want to follow this story you need to subscribe to me as I'll be posting chapters a bit slower for this one, more like one or two a day rather than my usual posting of the entire thing in one night. I'm still working on the last part.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleven year old Dean and seven year old Sam travel the country with their dad John, moving from motel to motel, and one day John disappears. Dean is unable to reach Bobby and as the boys slowly begin to starve a kind motel employee does what she thinks is best and calls the police. The boys end up separated and in foster care. This is a terrifying turn of events for both boys, but especially for Dean as he feels like a failure for not being able to protect his brother better.

June 1989

 

Dean was used to his dad disappearing for days on end. John always left the boys with enough food and money to last until he came back next, except this time he didn’t. This was the longest John had left the boys and they had run out of food three days earlier. The money was almost gone too. Dean wouldn’t be able to cover the cost of the room for much longer. He was starting to panic though he wasn’t going to show it around Sammy. He didn’t want to panic his little brother unnecessarily but he was getting desperate. Sam was innocent and didn’t understand. He wanted something to eat and it broke Dean’s heart to have to limit what his little brother was allowed to eat, and now he had nothing left to feed him at all. Sammy was crying constantly and complaining about how much his stomach hurt, and Dean didn’t know what to do. If he used the money meant for the room for food they would officially be homeless in three days. It was Thursday and he was counting through the cash he had left knowing he had no choice but to go find a store and get something for Sam to eat. The kid was losing weight and was sleeping a lot more than was normal. It has been three weeks now that their dad had been gone and Dean was getting scared that their dad wasn’t coming back. A knock at the door in the middle of the afternoon startled him and scared him. No one but their dad knew they were here and their dad would not knock. He stood up from the bed and moved over to the door but didn’t open it.

“Dean?” Sam asked. He was sitting up from the bed and looking up at his brother, and the dark circles under the little boy’s eyes scared him to see.

“It’s ok Sammy.” He didn’t know if it was or not, but he had a really bad feeling. Whoever was on the other side of the door knocked again. Reluctantly Dean moved toward the door. He was shaking, terrified of what could be on the other side of the door. With a glance back at his little brother he unlocked the door and opened it. Standing there was the pretty girl that worked at the desk. She smiled when she saw him.

“Hey sweetheart, is your daddy here?” She asked. Dean hesitated before shaking his head.

“No ma’am, he went…out.” He was a bad liar but he didn’t want this lady knowing what was going on. She looked past him into the room to where Sam was now sitting up in the bed. Even from this distance she could see how bad his little brother looked. He didn’t look so hot himself. There was concern on her face.

“Did you boys eat lunch yet?” She asked. Dean looked back at Sammy whose little face lit up at the mention of food.

“No, I’m hungry!” Sammy cried. It broke Dean’s heart to hear his brother say that. He felt like a failure for not being able to feed him. The girl reached out and touched Dean’s shoulder gently.

“How would you boys like some fried chicken and mashed potatoes? I brought too much and I thought some friends were going to join me for lunch today, but they had to cancel, so I have a lot left over. Would you boys like it?” She asked.

Dean frowned. He wanted to decline the offer. He doubted her story but his stomach rumbled at the thought of food and she heard it. She broke out in a grin.

“I’ll go get it and bring it back here. Just give me a couple of minutes, ok?”

Dean nodded and watched her hurry off in the direction of the office. He stood in the doorway waiting for her to return. A moment later he felt a bump against his elbow as Sam leaned out the door to look in the direction she had left. When she reappeared carrying several shopping bags Sam squealed with delight and it was the happiest he had sounded in weeks. She stopped when she reached the room and handed the bags to Dean.

“You boys enjoy this. My mama made it but she tends to make too much, so she sends me to work with a lot of extras. My friends usually come and gobble it all up, but today I’m alone.” She explained. She seemed nice enough and Dean offered her a small smile.

“Thank you ma’am.” He told her.

“My name’s Ginny. Don’t call me ma’am, I’m only nineteen.” She laughed. He smiled a little wider.

“Alright Ginny. Thank you again for the food.” He turned to go inside the room when she spoke again.

“What time do you think your dad will get back?”

Dean handed the bags of food to Sam since he was pulling at them trying to get into the food and turned back to look at her. He was careful to keep his expression neutral.

“I’m not sure yet.” 

She was looking into the room again and it put Dean on edge. He stepped back into the room and half closed the door, blocking her view of room.

“Thank you again for the food, we appreciate it.” He told her. She nodded.

“Alright. You boys have a nice afternoon.” She turned and started walking back to the office and Dean noticed how slow she was going. She looked back several times before disappearing around the corner. Dean shut the door and felt a jolt of fear rip through him. She knew they were there alone. She knew their dad wasn’t coming back. Would she call the police to come take them away? He locked the door and hurried to the phone. His Uncle Bobby’s number was written on a pad of paper in his dad’s writing and for the hundredth time in the last week he dialed the number. It rang six times before going to the answering machine. He left what had to be his hundredth message.

“Bobby? It’s Dean Winchester. Can you come and get Sam and me please? We’re scared. Dad’s never been gone this long and…we’re really hungry. We don’t have any food. A nice lady from the office just came and brought us some chicken a few minutes ago but I think she knows we’re here alone. I’m scared she’s going to call the police. Please come get us, we’re in Kansas. I think it’s Wichita? At the Sweet Dreams Motel. Please Bobby, I’m scared. Come get us!”

He hung up the phone and looked across the room to where his brother was practically gnawing on a chicken leg. The little boy’s face and hands were covered in grease but at least he had food in his stomach. He got up from the bed and walked over to the little loveseat and sat down. Sam offered him a piece of the chicken and Dean bit into it. It was good, still warm and juicy, though he couldn’t find the same enthusiasm his brother had over the meat. He was too scared to let his hunger take over. Still, he managed to eat three pieces of the chicken, a biscuit, and a container of the potato salad Ginny had included. He was fuller than he had been in weeks and it felt good, but it felt even better knowing that Sam was full and happy. The little boy had put aside the container of chicken and was watching a cartoon on the old television in the corner. Dean let himself get lost in the show for a while. If he kept worrying he was going to scare his brother and he couldn’t afford to do that.

It was three days later when there came another knock at the door. Dean sat up in the bed he was sharing with his little brother and rubbed at his eyes. Ginny had stopped by each day, bringing them food and he was grateful for it, though still wary. He had enough money for two more nights since he didn’t have to buy food now, but after that he had no idea what he was going to do. Sammy stirred next to him and sat up.

“Is someone here? Is it Ginny?” Sam asked sleepily. 

“I don’t know.” Dean mumbled as he scooted to the end of the bed and walked to the door. As soon as he opened the door he wished he hadn’t. A fresh jolt of fear raced through him when he saw a police officer standing there. The man saw the panic on his face and immediately put on his friendliest smile.

“Hey big guy, is your dad here?” The officer asked. Dean could see the name on his tag. Cooper. Office Cooper. He was too scared to answer the man. The officer looked past him and saw Sam sitting up in the bed. The other bed, the one designated for their dad was still made up neatly. He turned his attention back to Dean.

“When was the last time your dad was here son?” The officer spoke softly but Dean was terrified. He’d heard about stuff like this, and his dad had warned him to stay quiet inside the room and not draw any attention to him and his brother. He had listened though! He’d been good and listened! The officer leaned down a bit, still smiling.

“I’m not going to hurt you. Honest, I’m here as your friend, but you have other friends here worried that you boys aren’t eating right, and that your dad hasn’t come back to the room for quite a while now. Would you say that’s true?”

Dean didn’t hear Sam get out of the bed and walk over. He wrapped his arms around his big brother’s waist and looked up at the officer with big, hazel eyes.

“Our dad is coming back.” Sam said defiantly. The officer nodded.

“I’m sure he is, but if we don’t know when he’s coming back then we can’t let you boys stay here and starve.”

Dean wrapped his arms around his little brother and hugged him tight. He knew he was starting to cry but he couldn’t help it.

“No! He’s coming back! We have to be here when he comes back!”

The officer looked sad then, and there was genuine concern in his eyes.

“Do you have family we can call? Your mom? An aunt or uncle?”

“Our mommy is dead.” Sam said and Dean wanted to clamp a hand over his brother’s mouth.

“I called our Uncle Bobby, but I got his answering machine. I didn’t know how to tell him to call me back so I just told him where we were.” Dean said, sniffling as he tried to choke back his tears and be brave for his brother. The officer nodded and stood up again.

“Can I see that number? I’d like to try and call him too.”

Dean unwound his brother’s arms from around his waist and went to the nightstand where the piece of paper still was. He picked it up and brought it back to the officer. He took it and looked at it for a moment before sticking it in his pocket.

“Why don’t you boys pack up your stuff. I’m going to bring you down to the station with me.”

“Am I being arrested?” Dean asked, his terror magnifying exponentially.

“Oh no! You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong son! You’ve done such a good job of taking care of your little brother here. We’re just going to go down to the station and try to reach your uncle and maybe some other family members. And we’ll see if we can’t find your dad too, ok?” 

Dean knew there was no point in arguing, there was no escaping now. Their father had failed them and now they were going to be taken away. Unable to hold back his tears he broke down and the officer stepped forward to pull him into a hug.

“It’s ok buddy, you’re safe and I promise we’ll do everything in our power to find your dad and get a hold of your uncle.” Officer Cooper promised.

The ride to the station was both terrifying as well as a huge relief. Dean knew that now someone else would be looking out for him and Sam instead of him being the one that had to do the looking after. Not that he minded, he loved his little brother and would look after him for the rest of his life, but right now it was nice to know that he wouldn’t have to worry about food and shelter. He sat in the back of the police cruiser with his brother pressed up against his side listening to the radio as it spat out instructions to the different officers out on the streets. Officer Cooper tried more than once to engage the boys in conversation but Dean wasn’t feeling particularly chatty at that moment so he just stared out the window, watching the corn fields zooming by as they were whisked towards an unknown destiny. When they reached the station Dean tightened his arms around his brother and Sam whimpered, burying his face in Dean’s shirt. Officer Cooper got out and came around to open Dean’s door.

“Come on boys, we’ll go inside and have a nice, hot breakfast. How does that sound?” He asked.

Dean’s stomach betrayed him by grumbling. He had given most of the food Ginny brought them to his brother and so he was constantly hungry and just the thought that he would get an entire meal to himself made his stomach protest loudly. Officer Cooper chuckled as he heard it. He led them inside and into a room with a glass window that made it possible to see out into the station itself. There was a table and four chairs in there and once they had sat down Officer Cooper told them he’d return shortly with food. He closed the door behind him and once he was gone Dean hurried over to test the door. As suspected, it was locked.

“Dean? What’s going to happen to us? How is dad going to find us now?” Sam asked, and Dean could hear the fear in his little brother’s voice. He returned to his seat and let Sam crawl up into his lap.

“Dad will find us. We just have to get a hold of Uncle Bobby. He’ll come get us and then we’ll be ok.” He spoke the words softly as he ran a hand soothingly up and down his little brother’s back. This was too much for such a sensitive little boy like Sam. He had just turned seven and was so full of innocence that Dean wasn’t ready for him to lose yet. He was so furious with his dad! How could he have left them like that? And for almost a whole month! Didn’t he care anymore? Didn’t he know they were slowly starving to death? He hadn’t realized that he was crying again until he felt the tears sliding down his cheeks and plopping onto the top of his brother’s head. Sam looked up at him.

“Dean, don’t cry, it will be ok.” Sam pressed one small hand to his brother’s face as he attempted to sooth his older brother. Dean pressed his own hand against the one on his cheek and held it.

“Uncle Bobby just has to come and get us. He’ll come for us, I just know it.” Dean said, and he truly believed it. Bobby had to come and get them.

Officer Cooper returned with the promised breakfast and the boys feasted like kings. The meal consisted of pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and biscuits with gravy. Dean ate until he felt like he was going to burst, and then he ate some more. They were just finishing up the meal when there was a knock at the door. Officer Cooper who had been sitting with them as they ate got up to open the door. A lady in a white blouse and black dress pants walked in. Dean set down his fork and looked up at her. He knew why she was there and he felt the terror coming back.

“No, no, just call our uncle, he’ll come and get us, please! Don’t take us away!” He cried as he reached out and grabbed his brother. Sam immediately wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his face in his big brother’s shirt again. The woman sat down in the fourth chair which was directly across from Dean and gave a soft smile.

“It’s ok boys, I’m a friend, and I want to help you.” She told them. Dean glared at her as his heart thudded loudly in his chest. She had a folder and she opened it. 

“My name is Grace Lohman. Can you tell me your names?” She asked.

Dean pressed his lips into a thin line. He wasn’t volunteering any information to this woman. She seemed to realize what he was doing and she folded her hands on top of the folder. She was looking at Dean with warm brown eyes that seemed to hold no malice. Still, he didn’t trust her.

“Honey, in order to find your dad and to find your uncle we need your names. Something could have happened to your dad and I’m sure he’d want to know that his boys are safe.” She explained. Dean frowned, uncertain now.

“Dad could be hurt?” He echoed. She nodded.

“He could have been in a car accident or something else, and he may be worried about you boys right now. We want to do everything we can to find him for you so you can be reunited.”

Dean looked over at Officer Cooper who smiled warmly and nodded. His green eyes slid back over to Grace. What was her type called? Oh yeah, social worker…

“My name is Dean Winchester and this here’s my brother Sam.” He finally said. Grace picked up her pen and wrote down on the paper inside the folder.

“How old are you and Sam?” She asked.

“I’m eleven. Sam is seven.” Dean replied.

“What are your parents’ names?” Grace asked. Officer Cooper leaned over to whisper something in her ear and she nodded before looking back at Dean again.

“John and Mary Winchester, but my mom is dead. She died when I was four.” Dean told her. She was writing down everything he told her with a gently, friendly expression.

“Where are you and Sam originally from?” She asked.

“Lawrence.” Dean barely remembered that, but he did vaguely recall the big house they’d had before his mother died. Right now he would give anything for his mother to still be alive and for him and Sam to be safe inside that house.

Grace asked a few more questions before she finally closed the folder. “Ok, for tonight I’m afraid you boys will not be staying together.” 

He words sent new terror through both the boys and they clung tighter to each other.

“No! I can’t be away from Sammy! I need to take care of him!” Dean protested, tears streaming down his cheeks as he pulled his little brother even closer. Sam was crying hard against his chest and he could feel the wetness of his tears as they soaked through his shirt. Grace was already on her feet and had moved around the table to gently extract Sam from Dean’s arms.

“It’s ok Dean, Sam here’s going to come home with my wife Lynn and me. We’ll make sure you boys are back together as soon as we can manage it.” Officer Cooper said as he accepted the kicking and screaming seven year old that Grace was handing to him. Dean had scrambled to his feet and was trying to grab at Sam but Grace had him firmly by the arm and she was bigger and stronger than he was. She guided him back into his seat.

“Why can’t I come too? I need to be with my brother!” Dean cried.

“It’s complicated Dean. I can’t take more than one kid home, but Grace here found a nice place for you to stay, and there are other kids there too.” He told Dean.

“I want my dad! Please! Or Uncle Bobby! Please don’t make us go to different places!” Dean was full on sobbing now and Grace was pulling him against her and wrapping her arms around him. He grabbed the front of her suit jacket in his fists and clung to her as he sobbed. She rubbed his back gently as she waited for him to calm down. When he lifted his head again the officer and his little brother was gone.

“No! Sammy!” He cried. Grace spoke soothingly to him as she waited for him to calm down again. Once he was all cried out she held out her hand and he knew he had no choice but to take it. His entire world had been turned upside down and he couldn’t help but feel completely and utterly abandoned by his own father. In that moment he hated the man more than anything. All he could do was hope that Bobby got his messages and could find them. It was his last hope of seeing his brother again.

Grace took Dean out to her car and he slid into the backseat. He was numb and refused to talk on the ride to what she described as his foster home. He would be staying with the Novaks, a wealthy family with a large home and room for one more child. The drive was not long and when they pulled up in front of a large white house that to Dean looked like a virtual mansion, he couldn’t bring himself to feel impressed by it. He couldn’t bring himself to feel much of anything. A lady dressed in a gray pantsuit with dark hair pulled back in a bun was standing on the small patio waiting and Grace took Dean by the hand and walked him over. 

“Mrs. Novak this is Dean Winchester. Dean, this is Naomi Novak, your foster mother.” Grace introduced. Dean just stared at the ground. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything.

“It’s alright Grace, I’ll take Dean inside and introduce him to everyone. You can speak in depth with my husband. He’s in his study.” Mrs. Novak reached out and gently took Dean’s hand from the social worker’s and led him into the house. 

The first thing Dean noticed was the sound of laughter. It sounded like kids, and they were having a good time. Mrs. Novak pulled Dean to a stop and he looked up finally to see a boy with shaggy, dark blonde hair standing in front of them and he had a dark haired boy in a headlock. He immediately released the boy who staggered backwards and moved to fix his hair.

“Boys, this is your new foster brother, Dean. Dean, these are two of my sons, Gabriel…” She pointed at the blonde “And Michael.” She pointed at the dark haired boy. Gabriel stepped forward, a big smile on his face.

“Hey Deano, I think you’re bunking with me and Cassie, isn’t that right mother?” Gabriel looked up at his mother who nodded. He looked back at Dean, his smile fading. 

“It’s going to be ok Dean, I promise.” Gabriel said as he put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean looked up, the misery apparent in his eyes. He nodded absently.

“Come on, I’ll take you up and show you our room.” Gabriel said softly. Mrs. Novak released Dean’s hand and Dean followed the blonde boy up a flight of stairs and down the hall to a closed bedroom door.

“Cassie’s in here. He usually is though. He’s not half as weird as he might seem, so don’t let him freak you out.” Gabriel said and Dean frowned up at him. What would make a boy named Cassie be weird? Oh, maybe the fact that he was named Cassie?! Gabriel opened the door and pushed it open to reveal a large bedroom with three twin beds. Sitting up on one of the beds on the far right side of the room was a dark haired boy. He had a book in his hands but he looked up when they walked in.

“Cassie, this is Dean, the new kid. Dean, this is my brother Cassie.” Gabe introduced them. 

“My name is Castiel, not Cassie. Please don’t call me Cassie.” Castiel said with a sigh as he set down his book and stood up. He walked over to where Dean was standing and looked the boy over.

“Do you have any bags with you?” He asked. Dean shrugged.

“My bag is still in the back of Officer Cooper’s car.” He managed to say. His voice was hoarse and his throat hurt from crying. His eyes were still riveted on the floor. Castiel touched his shoulder gently and directed him to the third bed which was set against the wall opposite the one that the other beds were. 

“This will be your bed Dean. We have our own bathroom right through that door there. Gabe and I will do what we can to help you settle in. Can I get you anything?” Castiel asked. Dean shook his head and slowly climbed into the bed. He curled up into a little ball, turning his back to his foster brothers. A moment later he felt the blankets being pulled out from underneath him and then gently tucked around his shoulders. He just wanted to go to sleep and forget everything that had happened.

He had no idea what time it was but he woke up in a cold sweat with a scream on his lips. A light turned on and then there was someone sitting on the edge of his bed. He looked up into big blue eyes that were filled with worry despite how sleepy they were.

“Dean, it’s just a dream.” The boy spoke in a soothing tone but Dean felt the pain in his chest when he reached across the mattress and felt it was empty. He burst into tears as his heart ached for his little brother. The blue eyed boy pulled him into his arms and held him as he cried.

“Is he ok?” Gabriel asked worriedly.

“I don’t know. Did mother say what kind of situation he came from?” Castiel asked. Gabriel frowned and shook his head. Castiel turned his attention back to the boy in his arms.

“Dean? What were you dreaming about?”

Dean sniffled and sat back to look up at him again. “My brother Sam. They made him go with Officer Cooper. I miss him.” His voice came out in almost a whisper but both boys heard him.

“Why couldn’t mother and father take him too?” Gabriel wondered aloud.

“How old is Sam?” Castiel asked.

“He’s seven.” Dean replied, still trying to get his tears under control.

“And how old are you?” Castiel asked.

“I’m almost twelve.”

Castiel looked over at his brother. “That’s why. Their license only allows them to take children ten and older. They couldn’t by law take his younger brother.”

“They’re going to call my Uncle Bobby, they promised.” Dean grabbed Castiel’s arms and when he turned back around to look at the younger boy he could see the fear and desperation in his eyes. He nodded and tried to soothe Dean.

“That’s good, they’ll call him and then you and Sam can go home with him.”

“I called him every day for a week, over and over but he didn’t pick up!” Dean cried and there was panic in the boy’s eyes and voice. Castiel pulled him close again and looked over at Gabriel again.

“Do you have the number kiddo? I can try to call him for you too.” Gabriel offered.

Dean turned his head to look over at him, though he kept one cheek pressed against Castiel’s chest. “Office Cooper took the paper I had it written down on but I memorized it.” 

“Good! Here, write it down again so you don’t forget it and in the morning we’ll try calling him.” Gabriel fished around in the drawer of his nightstand until he pulled out a pad of paper and a pencil. He brought it over to Dean who took it and quickly scribbled the number down.

“What area code is this?” Gabriel asked as he looked at the number.

“Uncle Bobby lives in Lawrence.” Dean told him.

“I will have to ask dad first if we are allowed to call, but honestly, if he says no, we’ll call anyway. We’ll just use a payphone.” Gabriel said.

Castiel eased Dean back down into the bed and pulled the blankets up to his chest.

“Get some sleep. Tomorrow we’ll see about getting permission to go into town after breakfast.” He said. Dean turned onto his side, nodding as he did.

“Ok. I just need to get a hold of my uncle.” He muttered as he started to drift off again. Castiel waited until he was asleep before he returned to his own bed. 

“That’s rough being separated from his little brother. They must be really close.” Gabriel said as he tucked the pad of paper with Dean’s uncle’s number on it back in his drawer. Castiel frowned over at his brother.

“Neither could I. I feel bad for him. We have to do everything we can to make him comfortable while he’s here.” Castiel said.

“Aww, look at you Cassie, you’re a mother hen.” Gabriel teased, but he meant it affectionately and Castiel knew that. He rolled his eyes as he nestled down in his bed. Gabriel turned off the light and laid down as well. Both boys were wondering just what kind of baggage their new foster brother had brought with him.

Dean woke twice more during the night reaching for a brother that wasn’t there so after the third time Gabriel brought him into his own bed where the boy slept relatively peacefully for the rest of the night. He woke early and saw that Castiel was already awake and dressed for the day. 

“You better wake him up before mother comes up. She’ll freak if she sees him in your bed.” Castiel said. Gabriel nodded and went about trying to wake Dean up. He shook the boy’s shoulders gently and watched as green eyes fluttered and then opened. For a moment Dean was disoriented. He sat up looking around but then the memories of the day before came back and the same sadness they’d seen yesterday settled over him once more. 

“Come on kiddo, we have to find something for you to wear and then go down for breakfast.” Gabriel told him.

“I need to pee.” Dean said softly.

“Bathroom’s there.” Castiel pointed toward the closed door across the room. Dean slid from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. 

“He’s only two years younger than you and almost as tall as you. I’m sure you have jeans and a shirt that’ll fit him.” Gabriel said to his brother. Castiel nodded and went to his drawers to pull out some of the clothes he didn’t usually wear. When Dean reappeared in the room he offered them to him. Dean gave a soft thank you as he accepted them and returned to the bathroom to change. When he came back Gabriel nodded toward a series of laundry baskets in the corner. 

“Yours is the one with the blue liner.” 

Dean walked over to the basket and dropped his dirty clothes into it. Castiel’s clothes fit better than he’d thought they would. Dean was thin but not quite as thin as the older boy, and he was only an inch or so shorter. He was pretty sure he’d end up passing Cas right up.

“So now what?” Dean asked, though honestly he didn’t really care. Castiel started for the door and motioned for him to follow.

“Now you meet the rest of the family.”

Downstairs there were kids in the kitchen and they all looked up when Castiel, Gabriel, and Dean walked in. Dean recognized ones of them as the boy Gabriel had been wrestling with when they had arrived yesterday. Michael he thought his name was. Sitting at the table were three kids roughly around Dean’s age, including a boy with piercing brown eyes and smooth skin the color of mocha. 

“What’s your name?” The boy asked.

Dean looked to Castiel who gave him a soft smile and patted his shoulder. “This is Dean everyone. Dean, I’d like you to meet my sister Anna.” He pointed to the red headed girl sitting at the table. “Our foster sister Angie.” He pointed to a girl with long, stringy brown hair. “And Victor, our other foster brother.” Everyone at the table mumbled a hello but Dean just stared at the floor. 

“Come on, let’s get you something to eat.” Gabriel said as he moved past them and headed to the cabinet that held the cereal. He pulled out a couple of boxes and held them up for Dean to choose. He chose the Cheerios, much to Gabriel’s surprise. Castiel guided Dean to the table and got out bowls and spoons for them to eat. As Gabriel poured the cereal and then the milk for them, Dean sat in his chair still feeling numb. A man walked in the kitchen a few minutes into their meal, heading straight for the coffee machine. He paused when he noticed Dean.

“I take it this is Dean?” The man asked. Castiel, who was sitting directly next to the boy nudged him with his elbow.

“Yes dad, this is Dean.” He said. Dean looked up at the man and offered a weak smile.

“Very nice to meet you Mr. Novak.” 

The man smiled and walked over to the table. He reached out to gently take Dean’s chin into his hand. 

“Have you been eating well son?” He asked. Dean lowered his eyes.

“Not really sir. When I got food I gave it to my brother.”

“Well, I’m a doctor Dean. I can see the signs of malnutrition. We’ll get you putting on some weight and feeling better very soon.” He released Dean’s chin and the boy lowered his head once more.

“What do you kids have planned today?” He asked.

“Well dad, first we wanted to ask you if it’s ok for Dean to try calling his uncle. He was trying to reach him for this entire past week to no avail.” Gabriel said.

His father nodded. “Of course. I’ll check with Grace and make sure there’s not a problem doing that, but even if she says no, we’ll still call him if you have the number.” When Dean looked up in surprised the man gave him a wink and smiled. Dean looked from Castiel to Gabriel and then back to their father again.

“Thank you sir.”

“Please, call me Chuck.”

Dean dared to smile a little wider. “Yes sir. Um, Chuck. I’ll do that.”

Chuck smiled wide and ruffled Dean’s hair before taking his fresh cup of coffee and leaving the room.

“Warning though, do not call mother Naomi. She’s not as nice as our dad. Stick with Mrs. Novak.” Castiel warned. Dean nodded.

“Do you think there’s a way I could call my brother? I know he had to have been really scared last night. We always sleep together.” Dean asked.

“I don’t know. Can’t hurt to ask though, right?” Gabriel shrugged.

“Where are you from?” Victor asked.

“Originally from Lawrence, but we moved around a lot for my dad’s job.” Dean replied.

“How old are you?” Anna asked.

“I’m eleven and a half.” Dean told her. Anna smiled and twirled a lock of her bright, red hair.

“I’ll be eleven in July.” 

Dean nodded absently and returned to eating. He wasn’t hungry for once, and he just wanted to go hide in his bed. Castiel and Gabriel seemed to sense his withdrawal and they weren’t going to let him.

“Eat up Deano because we’re going to the park.” Gabriel announced. Dean frowned.

“I don’t want to go to the park.”

“It’s the only park in this area, so maybe the people that have your brother might bring him there too.” Castiel said. That caused Dean’s expression to brighten.

“You think so?” Castiel smiled and nodded. “Sure, it’s quite possible.”

They finished their cereal and washed their bowls. Anna, Victor and Angie decided they didn’t want to go to the park and instead disappeared into the backyard where there was a full swing set. Gabriel went to tell his father where they were going and then they left. It was a ten minute walk to the park and Dean found himself falling in step next to Castiel. He stole glances up at the blue eyed boy and each time he was caught Castiel just smiled. It made Dean blush and he tried to keep his eyes on the sidewalk in front of him. Gabriel was ahead of them tossing a football he had brought with up in the air and catching it. When they reached the park it was already full despite the early hour. It wasn’t even noon yet.

“Come on, we’ll play a bit of football, toss the ole pigskin around.” Gabriel said, and a moment later he was arching the ball through the air straight at Dean. He half expected the ball to hit the boy and knock him down but instead Dean caught it and shot it back so fast it was Gabriel that almost fell. Castiel laughed at his brother and gave Dean a thumbs up. Dean smiled back at him, his green eyes lighting up from the praise. It didn’t take long for other kids to join them and soon they had enough people for a full game. Eventually Castiel excused himself from the game and Dean did the same shortly after. He didn’t follow his foster brother though. Instead he made his way down to the play area where the swings and slides were, hoping that by some miracle Officer Cooper would come by with Sam. He sat down on a swing and rocked it slowly back and forth, his feet never leaving the ground.

“Can I ask how you ended up in foster care?”

Dean looked over to see that Castiel had followed him over and had taken the swing right next to him.

“My dad didn’t come back after a job. He was only supposed to be gone a week but he was gone almost a month. The girl that worked at the motel realized he hadn’t come back. She called the police.” Dean replied. He liked Castiel, though he wasn’t sure what it was about the boy that made him trust him.

“You…lived in a motel?” Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side slightly in confusion.

“After my mom died we lived in different motels all over the country.” 

Castiel’s eyes went wide. He couldn’t imagine living in even one motel let alone hundreds of different ones.

“You’ve never had a real home?” He asked.

“I did when my mom was still alive. I remember her, and I remember our house. It was huge. I had firetrucks on my walls and on my bedding because that’s what I wanted to be when I was little.”

“I’m sorry about your mom. My mom died too, when I was eight. I miss her a lot.” Castiel looked out over the playground and thought about his beautiful mother. He had loved her so much.

“I don’t understand, I thought Naomi was your mom.” Dean said, his face scrunched up in confusion.

“Stepmother. Naomi is only our stepmother.” Castiel clarified. He sat up just enough to pull out his wallet and fish out the picture he kept in there. 

“This was my mother, Lenore Althorn Novak. She died in a car accident.” He handed the picture over to Dean who studied it closely for a minute before handing it back.

“She was very pretty. You and your brother Michael look a lot like her.”

Castiel nodded as he put the picture back in his wallet and stuck the whole thing back in his pocket. “Yeah, I get that a lot actually.”

“So is it just you four and whatever foster kids you have?” Dean asked.

“Oh no, I have two other older brothers, Rafe and Luke, and a sister, Hannah, but they’re away at college.” Castiel replied.

“How old are you and Gabriel?” Dean was curious.

“I’m thirteen. I’ll be fourteen in August, right before school starts. Gabe just turned fifteen two weeks ago. Michael is seventeen. And as Anna said, she’s nearly eleven like you.” Castiel explained.

Dean stared up at Castiel and was struck with a strange thought. Castiel was really cute. He immediately lowered his eyes to the sand at his feet.

“So when school starts back up, what grade are you going into?” He asked the question but still did not look up. He was afraid the other boy would see his nervousness and recognize it for what it is.

“Oh, I’ll be a freshman.” Castiel replied. He was swinging lazily, just letting his feet drag through the sand under his shoes. Dean frowned. Cas was A LOT older than him. 

“I’m going into sixth.” Dean pouted.

“Are you upset about that?” Castiel asked. He looked over at the Dean and was suddenly reminded that even though this boy was almost at eye level with him, he was still younger. 

“I feel like a baby.” Dean scuffed his foot in the sand sent some of it flying. Cas chuckled next to him.

“You’re not a baby Dean. You’ll grow up soon enough, don’t be in such a rush.”

Dean looked over at him and suddenly he couldn’t take his eyes off the older boy. Castiel was staring out across the park, watching the football game his brother Gabe was still involved in, but Dean could still see his blue eyes. When he realized he was being stared at Castiel turned to look at him again, a warm smile on his face.

“What?” He asked. Dean shook his head and dropped his eyes to the tops of his shoes. He opted to change the topic of their conversation.

“When do you think we can call my uncle?”

Castiel tilted his head and seemed to consider his question for a moment.

“I guess when we get back to the house.”

Dean nodded and looked out over the park. He didn’t exactly understand what he was feeling in that moment but liked being here with just Castiel. He felt comfortable with the boy that his brother Gabriel had called weird. He wasn’t weird at all.

“Do you want me to push you?” Castiel asked suddenly. Dean looked over at him and cocked a small smile.

“Nah, but I bet I can get higher than you can.”

Castiel smiled wide. “It’s on!” He cried as he pushed back and then swung forward with everything he had. Dean was already swinging and gaining some momentum. They were still swinging high, laughing and pumping their legs as hard as they could when Gabriel grabbed the swing on the other side of his brother. He didn’t bother trying to catch up with them but he did watch them with amusement. He was just glad to see Dean opening up and actually being a kid. His brother was having a positive effect on the boy and he was glad. Castiel needed just as much as Dean did. When they had gotten as high as they were going to they both began to slow their swinging until they were back down on the ground again. Dean had a huge grin plastered to his face and Castiel had one to match.

“You guys ready to head out?” Gabriel asked. His brother and Dean turned to look at him, the silly smiles still on their faces.

“Sure.” Castiel said. He stood up and Dean did the same. They made their way back across the park, Gabriel stopping long enough to grab his football as they crossed the open field where they’d played ball earlier, and then they were making their way back to the house. Castiel was able to engage Dean in a conversation about some television show that they both liked but Gabriel had never heard of, and before long they were back at the house. 

“Come on, we’ll go find my dad and see if it’s ok to make the call. Just…watch out for mother.” Gabriel said as he opened the front door. He paused and listened before motioning for them to come inside. They made their way to Chuck Novak’s study and knocked.

“Come in.” Chuck called. The boys all walked into the office.

“Hey dad, can Dean call his uncle now?” Gabriel asked.

Chuck was sitting at his desk going over charts and looked up when his son spoke. He smiled and motioned toward the phone sitting on his desk.

“Go for it.”

Dean hurried forward and grabbed the receiver. He quickly dialed the number that he had come to memorize and waited as it rang. He wasn’t surprised when the answering machine message started to play in his ear. 

“Uncle Bobby? It’s Dean. Um, Sammy and me, we’re not in the motel anymore. The police came and got us. We’re not together anymore either. I need you to come and get us. Please! I’m in a foster home. Dr. Novak in Wichita. Officer Cooper has Sammy. Please, please come get us. I don’t know what happened to my dad. Just…please come get us.”

Dean hung the phone up and wiped at the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. Chuck stood up and came around his desk. He put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and leaned down so he could look the boy in the eye.

“Why don’t you give me the number and I’ll try him again later for you?”

Dean looked up at the man. He could feel a glimmer of hope beginning to flicker. These people seemed to genuinely want to help him and his brother. He nodded.

“Ok. Do you have a piece of paper? I’ll write down his number. His name is Bobby, uh, Robert Singer. He’s my dad’s older brother.” 

Chuck went back behind his desk and sat down in his seat again. He reached into a drawer and pulled out a pad of paper and a pen, handing them over to Dean. Dean wrote the number down carefully as well as his uncle’s name. As an afterthought he added the name of his uncle’s girlfriend, Ellen.

“Do you have a phone number for this Ellen?” Chuck asked as he accepted the pad back and read the number.

Dean frowned and shook his head. “No, but she owns a bar called The Roadhouse in Lawrence.”

“Well, I’ll see if I can’t get the number for the bar and try to reach her.” Chuck said as he tucked the pad of paper into his desk and locked it. Dean frowned as he watched his foster dad doing that.

“It might…walk away if my wife finds it.” Chuck said in a low voice. That only made Dean frown more.

“Don’t worry about it, you can trust our dad. He’ll track Ellen down for you.” Castiel said, and squeezed Dean’s shoulder. Dean looked over at him and felt that spark of hope growing, but there was something else growing as well. He felt a strange fluttering in his belly when he looked into those blue eyes and he wasn’t sure exactly what it meant. Castiel smiled and Dean felt the fluttering grow into a virtual explosion. He could feel his cheeks heating up so he turned to look at Gabriel who also smiled and patted him on the back. Dean could almost think that soon he and Sammy would be back together again. He clung to that hope like it was his lifeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapters will be posted regularly. If you like this and want to follow it, subscribe to get updates. Leave a kudos, leave a comment, it's how I know what you all like!


	2. A Blast From the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean head out to Kansas to finalize the purchase of the property where Dean plans to put his newest shop. Dean intends to finalize the same and head home to South Dakota without seeing any of the Novaks. What Dean doesn't expect is to run into one of his old foster brothers. They have some catching up to do.

July 2015

“Dean, this isn’t going to go as smoothly as we had hoped.” Sam said with a sigh. Dean looked up from his desk to find his brother standing in the doorway with papers in his hands.

“What are you talking about?” He asked. He had been going over the budget for the Sacramento shop but Sam’s words concerned him. “Is this about the Lawrence shop?”

Sam closed the door and then sat down across from him. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. The land that the shop is on? The owner lied. He said he owned the land outright but he actually doesn’t. He inherited it when his parents passed away, but his brother and two sisters own a share of it too. We need to fly out to Lawrence and meet with them to hash out the details of the sale. They’re receptive, I’ve spoken with all of them, but they’re not willing to just sign over everything without seeing the contract and meeting with you.”

Dean sighed heavily. He was planning to drive out to Lawrence anyway to set the shop up but now he would have to go out there sooner.

“I’m not flying anywhere. I’ll drive, thank you very much.” He said firmly. Sam rolled his eyes before nodding. He knew how much Dean hated flying.

“Well, I’m flying out there tonight so I can meet with them in the morning. They want to meet you too, so I’ll set something up for the day after tomorrow.” 

Dean nodded. “Fine. I’ll let Bobby know I’m leaving and I’ll start the drive in the morning. I’ll be there by tomorrow night. Rent a room and text me the details so I know where we’re going to crash.”

Sam smiled and stood up. “We’ll get this finalized and get the new shop up and running soon Dean. Don’t worry about this. I’ll see you tomorrow night when you get to Lawrence.”

Dean watched his brother leave before opening his laptop up again. He was in no mood to do anymore of the accounting so he turned it off and stood up. After stretching he wandered out into the lobby. Employees were bustling around and several smiled and nodded as they passed him. If there was one thing Dean was thankful for it was that he had been successful in the auto repair business. Opening the shop in Lawrence would make him the official owner of eight such shops across the Midwest and California. He had financial stability and his family had stability. He hadn’t had to worry about Sam in years, and he didn’t have to worry about Bobby and Ellen either. Winchester Motors made enough for the entire family to live very comfortably. Ellen had even signed the bar over to him and it was also extremely successful. Life was good. The only thing missing was a life partner, someone to love and that would love him. Someone he could start a family with. Against his will his thoughts turn to blue eyes and soft pink lips. Well, he had imagined they’d be soft considering he never got the chance to actually kiss them. Whenever he started to think about settling down and finding someone special his thoughts digressed to his childhood and what had started out as the worst summer of his life, but had turned into something so much more. He knew it was pointless to keep dwelling. Dean moved through the shop and out into the warm South Dakota sunshine. Bobby was at home and he would need to swing by to let him know what was happening before he went to his own home and started packing. He was actually looking forward to the drive back to Kansas. Any opportunity for a road trip was a welcome one, even if he was going back to where he had met the boy he’d fallen so head over heels in love with. The boy he had never been able to tell. As it had so many times before he found himself wondering whatever happened to the Novak kids. Did Michael become a doctor like he had planned to? Did Gabriel open the candy shop he had dreamed about? And Anna, was she a mother now with a family of her own? And Castiel… His heart ached at the thought of beautiful Castiel, his best friend during his year living in the Novak house, and the boy he had fallen so completely in love with. It had been terrifying coming to that realization, and only just having turned twelve he wasn’t positive of what love even was. But Castiel had broken his heart right before Bobby had come in to take him and Sam away, and he had never looked back. Sometimes he wished he had though. What difference would it have made though? Castiel was straight. Dean most certainly was not. But still, they had been friends…

Dean got into the Impala and made the short trip to Bobby and Ellen’s house. There was no need to knock so he walked in the front door calling out their names.

“Bobby! Hey! Where are you man?”

 

Bobby appeared in the kitchen doorway. “What do you want boy?” He huffed. Typical Bobby. 

“Hey, Sam says there’s a snag in the sale for Lawrence. He’s flying out there tonight but they want to meet with me too, so I’m driving out there in the morning. Could you keep an eye on the shop til I get back?” He asked.

“Yeah, of course. I have a doctor’s appointment Friday so I’ll have Jo stay that day.” Bobby told him. Dean nodded. If there was anyone even half as crotchety and fearsome to his employees as Bobby, it was Bobby’s stepdaughter Jo. She put the fear of God in them.

“Thanks man, I appreciate it. I’m not sure when I’ll be back but I’ll call first.” He turned to leave but spotted Ellen hurrying down the hall with her arms outstretched. She pulled him into a tight hug.

“Did you think you were getting out of here without saying hi first?” She chastised when she finally let him go. He smiled and shook his head.

“I’m sorry little mama. I should know better, I’m just in a hurry.” 

“What did I hear before, you’re heading to Lawrence? Is the sale not good?” She asked.

“The guy that is selling it to us, he doesn’t own it outright. His siblings all have a share and they want to meet with me before they sign over their rights. I’m sure they want to negotiate so they get something out of the deal too.” He explained.

She nodded. “Figures. Everyone has their hand in the cookie jar.”

“But really, the owner should have told them. It’s really a big inconvenience for everyone, but if I can just get the contract worked out the new shop will be open in six months and fully operational, and we’ll be bringing jobs to the community, so it’s all good.” That was how he felt each time he opened a new shop. He was bringing jobs to a community that was usually struggling and had a high unemployment rate.

“You going to look up your old foster family?” Ellen asked. Dean looked over sharply at her.

“I hadn’t planned on it.”

“You should. They were nothing but good to you. I know they’d remember you sweetheart.”

Dean grumbled and opened the front door. “Well, I’m not. I don’t have time for that. I’ll text you guys when I get to my hotel tomorrow night.” Ellen gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and watched him go.

“He’s still in love with that boy after all these years.” She sighed sadly. Bobby huffed in agreement.

“Fool don’t know how to move on is his problem.” He added.

Ellen nodded. He was right. All she wanted was for her boys to be happy, and thought he tried hard to be, she knew Dean was not. He was a family man and he needed a family of his own.

“Maybe things will work out for him in the end.” She said, and she really hoped they would.

The ride to Lawrence was calming and Dean had the radio turned up the entire time, singing along to whatever song came on. It was night when he rolled into Lawrence. Sam had gotten them rooms at the Hilton Garden Inn and with use of the GPS on his phone he found it soon enough. He parked and dragged his bag from the trunk, heading inside to the reception desk. A young man in a suit smiled politely when he saw Dean approaching.

“I have a reservation. Dean Winchester. My brother Sam should already be here.” He said. The man smiled a little brighter and began tapping away on his computer.

“Yes sir, you have room 614 on the sixth floor. The other Mr. Winchester is directly across the hall from you in 613.” The man whose name tag read Joseph handed Dean a keycard and pointed around the corner to the bank of elevators.

“If you need anything, please let us know.” 

Dean nodded and started for the elevators. He pressed the button and waited, humming an old Metallica song.

“Is that…Metallica you’re humming?” A voice to his right suddenly asked. He turned to see a man standing there.

“Sure is.” Dean said, grinning. The man smiled back and then his eyes widened.

“Dean? Are you Dean Winchester?” The man gasped.

Dean couldn’t help the look of surprise on his face. “Do I know you?”

“It’s me! Victor! Please tell me you remember me!” The man had an ear splitting grin on his face now and it was one that Dean recognized.

“Holy shit, Victor?! Man it’s good to see you!” Dean dropped his bag and pulled the other man into a hug. Victor hugged him back just as tight. When they let go they were both smiling so hard it hurt. The elevator doors in front of them opened and Dean hurried to scoop his bag off the floor. They stepped in and he pressed the number six while Victor pressed the number three.

“What are you doing staying here? Do you still live in Kansas?” Dean asked. Victor chuckled and shook his head.

“Nah man, I live in D.C. I’m FBI. I’m here passing through. What about you though?” 

“I own a chain of repair shops and we’re opening a new one here. There was a problem with the sale so I came out to get that all settled.” All too soon the doors to the elevator opened on the third floor. Victor held them open but didn’t exit the elevator.

“What’s your room number? I’ll stop by later and we can catch up.” He said.

“Six fourteen. I’ll introduce you to my brother Sam, he’s my lawyer handling the sale.” Dean replied. Victor smiled again and nodded.

“Sounds good man, I’ll be up in just a little bit.” Dean watched his old foster brother leave and then the doors closed. He hadn’t expected to see anyone from that time in his life but he found that he was actually glad to see Victor. They had gotten along almost as well as he had with Castiel. Absently he wondered if Victor was still in contact with any of the Novak family. Maybe he’d be able to find something out from the man.

On the sixth floor Dean followed the signs to his room but stopped to knock on his brother’s door first. He could hear his brother shuffling around inside and when he opened the door he smiled wide.

“About time you got here. How was the drive?”

Dean nodded. “It was good. Wish you could have made it with me though. Road trips by myself are boring.”

Sam laughed. “Well, you know I had a meeting. But I’ll gladly drive back with you.”

“Good to hear. Hey, come to my room in a bit. I have an old friend coming up in a few minutes and I’d like you to meet him.” Dean said.

“An old friend?” Sam asked, one eyebrow cocked. Dean rolled his eyes.

“Get your mind out of the gutter. Victor was my foster brother. Good guy. He’s staying here in the hotel too so I invited him up. I told him I wanted him to meet you since he practically knew all about you back then. I talked to anyone that would listen about what a great kid you were.” 

Dean could see the blush rising on his little brother’s cheeks. “Dean…” Sam hated the way Dean praised him to others. He never felt special enough to deserve it.

“Just shut up bitch and be in my room in fifteen.” Dean said.

Sam nodded. “Fine jerk.” He closed the door and Dean crossed the short hall to open his own room. It was a typical hotel room, though infinitely nicer than the ones he and Sam had stayed in as kids. He never wanted to stay in another motel room like that again. He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it in the closet before changing into a clean shirt. There wasn’t time for a shower but he would get one later. He didn’t want to take one before he got to talk to Victor. He had just gotten himself a glass of water when there was a knock at the door. He opened it to find his old foster brother standing there.

“Come on in man.” Dean stepped aside to let the man in. Victor was tall, taller than Dean had expected he would be when they were kids. He motioned toward the chair in the corner and Victor crossed the room to sink down into it. Dean sat in the desk chair, turning it to face his old friend.

“So tell me what you’ve been up to for…what has it been, twenty five years now?” Dean asked.

Victor grinned and sat forward. “Where do I begin?”

Victor talked about his life after Dean had left the Novak household. Victor had lived there until his eighteenth birthday and with the good grades he had received, he had gotten a full ride to Kansas State. He had continued to go home to the Novaks every summer and for the holidays as they had become his family. After college he had applied to the FBI and gotten in. Three years ago he’d met a lovely lady named Joy and last year they’d gotten married. Now they were expecting their first child. Dean was happy for his old friend but he couldn’t help but also feel a bit of envy as well. Victor had managed to find everything Dean so badly wanted. Still, he didn’t want to dwell on what was missing in his own life. Instead he wanted to be happy for his friend.

“So fill me in Winchester, tell me what you’ve been up to all these years.” Victor said. Dean smiled. He had certainly been busy. As he opened his mouth to answer there came a knock at the door.

“Hang on, that’s my brother Sam.” Dean got up and opened the door to let his brother in. Sam nodded toward the man sitting in the chair.

“Sam, this is Victor. Victor, this is my brother Sam.” Dean introduced them. He offered the chair he’d been sitting in to his brother and went to sit on the edge of the bed.

“It’s nice to meet you Sam. Your brother here spoke very fondly of you, and he spoke of you often. He never stopped worrying about you.” Victor told the younger Winchester and Sam couldn’t help but smile at his brother.

“I’m just glad that Dean ended up in a good home with people that took care of him. I was ok where I was but I just wanted to be back with him. It was the loneliest year of my life without my family.” Sam admitted. Dean looked at his brother, shocked to hear this coming from him after all these years. Sam had tried to be so stoic through their separation. When the school year had started up they had been able to see one another in the halls and at lunch, but that was it. Sam had been so strong and brave, and Dean had worried just a little less about him as a result. Hearing that his brother had felt alone during that time in their lives brought forth fresh waves of pain that he had spent a quarter of a century pushing so far down that he hoped he’d never have to face them again. Sam seemed to sense his brother’s pain and he offered him another smile.

“It’s ok Dean, it all worked out for the best in the end.”

Dean swallowed hard as he tried not to cry, and nodded. It did all work out in the end.

“So you were saying Dean? What happened after your uncle came and picked you up? And what on earth took him so long?” Victor asked.

Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well, it turns out my uncle was on a long honeymoon. He had married his girlfriend Ellen and they had gone on a cross country road trip with her daughter Jo. Just the three of them. My uncle had no idea what was happening with Sam and me. How could he know? He’s still kicking himself all these years later for not being there when we needed him, but I’ve assured him time and again that we made it through everything ok. I don’t know how much you remember Victor, but I called my uncle every day until the answering machine was full and wouldn’t take anymore messages. Chuck kept calling anyway though. I’m still grateful to that man to this day for that. Bobby came back after a three month trip across the US and when he got the messages, he sort of freaked out. Ellen had to calm him down and it was she that contacted their lawyer and then contacted the police in Wichita. He tracked Sammy here down first, and then me. There was a lot of red tape to cut through. Since no one had claimed us they were dumping me in the system and the Coopers were actually starting the adoption process for Sam here. Bobby had to prove to the state that he was fit to raise us, and then he had to contest the adoption. So I was left in limbo while they worked that out. Not that I minded since I had faith in my uncle and I knew he’d win out in the end. Bobby Singer is not a quitter, and he never gives up on family. It took almost a year where he had to first earn visitations with us, and prove to the court that he was a good choice. After I left the Novaks and was reunited with my brother and with Bobby, we went back to his place in Lawrence. About a year after that Bobby packed us all up and we moved to South Dakota. He bought a car repair shop from an old friend of his and he taught me how to work on cars. I worked at his side from the time I was thirteen on. I graduated high school with honors, though my grades were nowhere near as good as Sam’s were, and I went to college. I earned a degree in Business Administration, one in marketing, and one in accounting. I went back and took over the shop for Bobby and expanded it. Within two years of my graduating we had two shops. Within ten we had five. The one I’m opening here will be number eight.”

Victor listened with rapt attention, amazed by his friend’s perseverance and his strength of character.

“Damn Dean, you’ve done very well for yourself! Did you ever settle down? Is there a pretty lady in your life? What about kids? He asked. Sam snickered and Dean shot him a dirty look.

“Did I miss something?” Victor asked, looking between the brothers.

“Uh, Vic, I’m gay.” Dean said quietly. He scratched nervously at the back of his neck and averted his eyes. He was worried about what his foster brother would think of him.

“Oh yeah? Guess we didn’t know back then. Not that it matters though. Any special man in your life then?” Victor honestly didn’t care about Dean’s orientation as long as he was happy.

Dean shook his head. “Sadly, no. I was in love once, but it was a long time ago, and it wasn’t reciprocated. I just never really tried again after that. I mean I’ve had a few relationships, but nothing substantial.”

Victor noticed the look on Sam’s face. It was one of pity but also of irritation. He could tell that Sam was frustrated with Dean’s inability to move on.

“So, how are the Novaks now? Is everyone well?” Dean asked.

Victor nodded. “Get this, about fifteen years ago Chuck learned that Naomi was cheating. Made the prenup null and void. They divorced and everyone in the house cheered. Chuck never did remarry but he is dating a lovely lady that works in his office. They’ve been dating about eight years now. Her name is Becky. She’s a bit hyper but they love each other. Naomi on the other hand just sort of dropped off the face of the planet. I heard she married some old guy too dumb not to make her sign a prenup, but what became of her after that, I have no idea.”

Dean snickered at that. It sounded like Naomi got her just rewards.

“What about the kids? Are they all doing well?” He asked. What he really wanted to know was if Castiel was married with a family of his own.

“Well, Rafe is a dentist. Has his own practice out in Pennsylvania. He’s married with six kids. Been married close to twenty years now. His oldest boy just left for college this year. Luke, well, if you remember, he was the troublemaker of the family. He did a stint in prison on drug charges. Now he runs a pawn shop in Wichita. Not married but he has a nasty girlfriend that no one likes named Lilith. I hate when they show up to family gatherings because she is really mean. Hannah teaches kindergarten. She’s been married for twenty two years now. The guy she was dating when you stayed with us? She married him. They have two kids. Michael is a professor at KU if you can believe it. Teaches physics and chemistry. He is married now, second wife. Her name is Rhonda and she’s a little spitfire. I like her though. Much nicer than his first wife. They have three kids. Gabe, well, he fancies himself to be a playboy. He’s still a character, but he’s a good guy. He owns a bakery here in Lawrence and he’s quite successful. You should definitely stop in there while you’re in town. I know he hasn’t forgotten you and he’d love to have you visit. He’s not married but he has a couple of kids with an ex-girlfriend. Castiel went into law. He lives just outside of Lawrence.” Victor counted the Novak kids in his head and realized he had forgotten a few.

“Oh yeah, Anna moved to England where she spent some time as an au pair, but she met a guy while she was there, some smarmy Englishman twice her age named Balthazar and they got married. Everyone was sure the marriage would fail because he seemed like such a player, but nope, fifteen years later they’re still married. They have three boys. As for Angie? She was sent to another foster home about a year after you left, and I later heard that she committed suicide. I miss her sometimes.” Victor lowered his eyes at the memory of the girl he had come to love like a sister. 

“Oh shit, poor Angie…” Dean sighed. He really had liked the quiet girl with the stringy hair. She had been sweet.

Victor turned his attention to Sam. “What about you Sam? Dean here says you’re a lawyer.”

Sam smiled and shrugged. “After we went to live with Bobby and Ellen I really excelled in school. We had a stable, loving home environment and I guess I flourished in it. I knew by the time I was ten that I wanted to be a lawyer, though I thought I’d be a DA or something. Instead I watched my brother expanding the family business and I wanted to be a part of that somehow. So I went into business law. I like it. No wife, no kids for me, at least, not yet. I am seeing someone though and I think she might be the one.”

Victor smiled and nodded. “That’s good! I’m happy for you both! I’m so glad things worked out for you guys. Can I ask, did they ever figure out what happened with your dad?”

Dean grunted and frowned. “Asshole got himself locked up on an assault and battery charge. He got into a bar fight and nearly killed the other guy in his drunken stupor. Landed himself in the clink for eighteen months. He didn’t tell anyone about Sam and me because he was afraid the state would come get us. He was counting on me calling Bobby and Bobby coming to get us. Except that backfired. When Bobby finally did track my dad down he really reamed him a new one. Stripped him of his parental rights and formally adopted us, though we were allowed to keep our last name. Neither Sam nor I wanted to be Singers. Dad is a crotchety old man now. Has a condo in Bismarck and we visit him from time to time. Bobby was more of a father to us than John ever was, wouldn’t you agree Sammy?” Dean looked over at his brother who quickly nodded.

“Oh absolutely. Bobby is the best. Grumpiest man you’ll ever meet, but he’s a sweetheart.”

Dean chuckled at his brother’s description of their uncle. Victor sat forward in his seat.

“So give me your number Dean. I don’t want to lose touch again. Are you going to stop through Wichita and see Chuck? I know he loves when old fosters stop by and thank him for being such a great dad to them.” 

Dean shifted his weight uncomfortably on the bed as he tried to avoid Victor’s gaze. He hadn’t planned on seeing any of the Novaks. It was just a touch too painful.

“I hadn’t planned on it. We have this contract to hash out, and then I have to get back to South Dakota. I run the original shop still. Bobby and my cousin Jo are running it while I’m here.”

“Well, at the least let me take you by Gabe’s tomorrow morning. We’ll get some freshly baked croissants.” Victor said.

Dean remembered how doggedly determined Victor could be when he had his mind set on something. He wasn’t going to let Dean leave the state without seeing at least one of the Novak clan.

“Sure, that’d be great. It has to be early though, Sam and I have that meeting tomorrow.” 

“Meeting is at two. Go enjoy the morning with Victor and Gabe.” Sam said with a smile. Dean shot him a look that Sam wasn’t sure if it was filled with annoyance or excitement. Or maybe his brother was just constipated.

Victor was getting to his feet. “It was great catching up with you Dean but it’s getting late. I’ll come get you at ten tomorrow, ok? We can walk to Gabe’s from here, it’s not far.” Dean stood up and walked him to the door.

“Sounds good man. I’ll see you in the morning. It really was good catching up with you.”

They shared a quick hug and then Victor was gone. Dean closed the door and went to sit in the chair Victor had been sitting in.

“He seems nice.” Sam said. 

“He really is. I can’t say I’m surprised that he went into the FBI. You should have seen him when we were kids. He would investigate every damn thing, from missing snacks to the truth behind the hickeys Gabe kept coming home with. He was tenacious to a fault, but it was endearing. I’m glad he put it to good use.” Dean said.

“Sounds like everyone is doing well. With the exception of Angie. I’m sorry to hear she passed.” Sam’s voice was filled with sympathy and Dean avoided looking at him, lest he see the pity in his eyes too.

“Yeah, it really is a shame, she was a nice girl. Very quiet, but nice.” 

Sam stood up and stifled a yawn as he started for the door. “I’m heading to bed. I got up early to meet with two of the sellers. The other two couldn’t make it but they’ll be at the meeting tomorrow, and they’re bringing their lawyer. Hopefully by the end of lunch we’ll have all of this finalized.”

Dean got up and walked his brother to the door. “I’ll swing by once I get back from Gabe’s. Want me to bring you anything?”

“Maybe one of those croissants if they’re really good.”

Dean nodded. “Sure thing. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more chapters. This one is actually a piece still in work. Let me know what you think as it progresses.


	3. Life Must Go On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean starts sixth grade and Sam starts second, though the only place the boys can see each other is at school. Sam gives his brother some terrifying news.

September 1989

“Dean.”

Dean moaned and pulled the covers over his head.

“Dean, you have to get up, it’s time to get ready for school.”

With an irritated huff Dean pushed the covers back and glared up into blue eyes filled with amusement.

“Come on sleepyhead, it’s time for breakfast. You don’t want mother coming in here.” Castiel teased. Dean moaned again and threw the covers back.

“Fine, I’ll get up.” He stomped into the bathroom where he relieved himself before hopping into the shower. When he finished he brushed his teeth and combed his hair before returning to the bedroom. Castiel was already sorting through his clothes to find something Dean would like to wear for his first day. He wanted to protest but then Castiel held up an AC/DC shirt and his favorite pair of jeans and all he could do was smile. 

“Thanks Cas.” 

Castiel smiled warmly and handed over the clothes. “You are welcome Dean. I just thought I would help so that you aren’t running late.”

Dean found a pair of boxers and carried the clothes back to the bathroom.

“Picking out his clothes now Cassie? Going to pick out a ring next?” Gabriel teased. He was busy still making his bed and ignored his brother’s icy glare.

“That was uncalled for Gabe.” Castiel growled.

“But it’s true. You like him, and as more than a brother. Don’t deny it.” Gabriel stood back to admire his bed making skills, still ignoring his brother’s glare.

“Don’t talk about such things!” Castiel hissed. Then Gabriel did look up at him.

“Oh get over yourself. I’ve known for years now. I don’t know who you think you’re fooling.”

Castiel crossed the room in just a few steps and punched his brother hard in the chest. Gabriel doubled over, grunting at the pain but he quickly recovered. When Dean came out of the bathroom he found the brothers wrestling on the floor. It appeared that Gabriel was winning.

“What is going on with you two?” Dean asked as he quickly made his bed. Gabriel was already getting up off his brother and smoothing down his shirt.

“Oh nothing. Just discussing Cassie’s non-existent love life.” He replied casually.

“Shut up Gabe!” Castiel hissed through clenched teeth. Dean looked between the brothers but didn’t ask. The look on Castiel’s face told him he was better off minding his own business.

“Well stop fighting before your mom grounds you both. Let’s go eat.” Both Castiel and Gabriel nodded.

“Yes, we need to get moving already.” Castiel grumbled as he headed for the door. Gabriel and Dean followed silently behind.

Downstairs in the kitchen it was a full house. Naomi Novak was setting out bowls, spoons, and boxes of cereal as she directed children to the table. Michael was already walking over with a gallon of milk. The boys slid into their usual seats quietly so as not to irritate Naomi who was angrily snapping at Victor and Anna.

“Sit down! Stop talking and finish your breakfast, you need to get moving already!” Victor seemed to like pushing his foster mother’s buttons though and he continued to talk as he moved slowly toward the table. Thoroughly irritated Naomi grabbed his arm and pushed him hard in the direction of the table. He opened his mouth to say something snarky but the fury in her eyes withered his own anger immediately and he scrambled into his seat. The entire kitchen fell silent. Dean poured his cereal and ate it quickly, as did the other kids, and soon they were being ushered out the door. Michael, Gabriel and Castiel left in Michael’s car which left the other kids to walk to the elementary school. 

Dean already missed Castiel being around. He didn’t think he was going to like this new school, not with Castiel so far away. Anna seemed to realize that something was going on with him and she bumped her shoulder against him. When he looked down at her she smiled warmly.

“Nervous about your first day?” She asked. He shrugged.

“Maybe a little. It’s not like it’s my first new school. Won’t be my last either.” 

She frowned. “Don’t you like it with us?” 

“Oh, yeah, of course I do. Your mom’s a little scary, but otherwise yes, I like it. But I miss my little brother and I want to be with him. And I miss my family. My uncle will come for me.” He was sure of this. Bobby would come. Anna moved closer, leaning her head against his shoulder and he slowed his pace just enough so that he matched her step for step. He didn’t want her head bouncing around. She smiled up at him and he could see sadness in it.

“I’m sorry Dean. I know he’ll come. I wish your brother could be with us.” 

He smiled back. Anna was sweet and always considerate of other’s feelings.

“Thanks.” It was all he could think to say. Angie came up on his left and squeezed his shoulder.

“Keep calling. I know he’ll answer.” She said. He nodded at her.

“Something had to have come up for him to not be home, but I know he’ll find us.” 

The walk to the school was short and soon they were all making their way to their classrooms. Victor, Anna, and Dean were all starting sixth grade but only Anna was in Dean’s class. Angie was a year older. The first day was alright but when lunchtime came Dean found himself with an armful of Sam.

“Dean! Oh Dean! I missed you so much!” Sam was actually crying and Dean pulled his little brother into a tight hug.

“I missed you too buddy. I missed you so much.” His voice was thick with tears and he didn’t want to ever let his brother go again. Anna was sitting next to him and she scooted forward a bit to get a look at the boy Dean was hugging.

“This is your brother?” She asked. Dean sat back a bit and Sam did as well.

“Yeah, this is Sammy. Sam, this is Anna. I’m living with her and her family.” Dean explained. 

“Carl and Nora Cooper want to adopt me Dean, I don’t want to stay with them. I want to stay with you!” Sam had tears in his eyes and all Dean felt was fear.

“No! They can’t! They can’t adopt you!” He could feel his panic rising. Victor appeared and grabbed him firmly, forcing Dean to look him in the eye. 

 

“Dean! You will reach your uncle. We will tell Chuck as soon as we get home and he will try even harder to reach your uncle. Hang in there.”

Dean nodded weakly and grabbed his brother’s hand again. “We’re trying to reach Bobby still. I will do everything I can to get him to come here and take us home.”

Sam nodded and leaned against his brother. Dean had missed this kid so much it physically hurt.

“Are you sleeping ok? Is everything ok with the Coopers?” He asked.

Sam gave a little half shrug. “I have nightmares. I keep dreaming about the day they took us apart. But I have a foster sister named Penny and she’s nice. She’s nineteen so I don’t see her much, but she’s nice. I miss you though Dean. I don’t sleep good without you there.”

Dean kissed his little brother’s forehead. “I know what you mean. I can’t sleep through the night without you either.”

Lunch was short and Dean wanted to cry when he had to leave his brother, but they did see one another at recess and occasionally in the halls. It was enough to bring Dean some peace though when the end of the school day arrived and he saw Mrs. Cooper picking up his little brother he was overcome with anger. This entire situation angered him. He should never have been separated from his little brother. They should never have been abandoned by their father. Anna had to practically drag him away from the school and once they were home it was clear to everyone that Dean was furious. The high school got out a half hour before the elementary school so when Dean reached the bedroom Gabriel and Castiel were already there. When Dean slammed the door they both jumped and looked up from their homework.

“What’s wrong?” Castiel asked, immediately concerned by Dean’s mood. He’d never seen him angry like this before. Unable to calm himself Dean started pacing.

‘I saw Sam today.” He managed to say. Gabriel looked over at his brother and they both frowned. Seeing Sam should have made Dean happy, not infuriated him. Castiel got up and moved to stand in front of Dean. The younger boy stopped and looked at him, a mixture of fear and anger in his eyes.

“So what happened?” 

Dean swallowed hard as his eyes began to water. He was desperately trying not to cry. “He said the Coopers are moving to adopt him.”

Castiel let out a huff of air and looked at Gabriel. His older brother was already on his feet and moving towards the door.

“I’m going to go tell dad.” And then Gabriel was gone. They could hear him racing down the stairs.

“Come on, we’ll go too. I’m sure my dad can figure something out.” Castiel said and he grabbed Dean by the wrist, tugging him along. They made their way down to Chuck’s study where they could hear Gabriel explaining the situation. Castiel opened the door without knocking, still pulling Dean along with him. Chuck looked up and Dean could see the concern in his eyes.

“I’ve been trying your uncle’s phone every day but thus far, no one has answered. I did manage to track down an Ellen at The Roadhouse bar and grill, but an employee says she’s on her honeymoon. I’m assuming that she married your uncle. They’re on a cross country road trip and they don’t have a way to reach them, but they’re supposed to be back at the beginning of the month. I will call every day at least twice a day until I reach someone, that is my promise to you Dean.”

Dean nodded, feeling some of the tension and anger he’d been feeling bleeding out of him. He hadn’t noticed Castiel moving closer to rest a hand on his shoulder.

“See? I told you my dad is awesome. We’ll reach your uncle.” He said. Dean stared into those blue eyes and nodded. 

“If there was anywhere I could have ended up, I’m glad it’s here.” That made Castiel smile.

“Go on boys, I’m sure you all have homework.” Chuck shooed them all out of the room and they climbed the stairs back up to their bedroom. The older boys both returned to their homework on their beds while Dean picked up his bag from where he had dropped it and carried it over to his own bed. He pulled out the little bit of homework he had and got started. Engrossed in a spelling assignment he missed the looks Castiel occasionally tossed his way. He’d have blushed had he caught them.


	4. Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor drags Dean down to Gabe's bakery. So much for avoiding the Novaks...

July 2015

Dean woke early most days out of habit and was already awake, showered, and completely dressed by the time he heard the knock on his door. Unsure whether he had the time to come back to the hotel and change he had just decided to put his suit on and he felt sorely overdressed when he opened the door and saw Victor standing there in jeans and a polo shirt. 

“You still wear polo shirts?” Dean teased as they made their way down to the lobby. Victor shot him a look but then he was grinning.

“Polo shirts never go out of style man. Plus they’re comfortable. I noticed you wearing a Henley yesterday. You wore those as a kid too, so I wouldn’t talk.”

Dean laughed at that. He was right. Some habits were hard to break. 

“So how far is this bakery? The croissants better be worth making me walk in these shoes.” Dean motioned down at his dress shoes that were already pinching his feet. He really hated dressing up, even if he did clean up nicely.

“About four blocks. Come on man, don’t be a wuss.” Victor teased.

They chatted about nothing in particular as they made their way to Gabe’s bakery which was quite literally named Gabe’s Bakery. Dean snickered as he read the title. Before they even stepped through the door he could smell the freshly made donuts and breads. His stomach rumbled. Victor went in first, spotting Gabe immediately.

“Gabe, my man! Look what I found!” Victor cried as he pulled the small, blonde man into his arms and hugged him tight.

“Vic! When did you get to town?” Gabe gave Victor a squeeze and then turned to see the man his brother was pointing to. His eyes practically bugged out of his head when he realized it was Dean.

“Dean freaking Winchester! What rock did you crawl out from under?!” Before Dean could react Gabe had him in a bear hug and he had the wind knocked out of him. He managed to get his arms up to hug the smaller man back. Once upon a time Gabe had actually been taller than him. That was definitely not the case now. Gabe was a whole head shorter than him now.

“Hey Gabe, it’s been ages, how have you been man?” Dean asked, unable to hold back the huge grin on his face. He really had missed this man a lot.

“I’ve been good. You know, work, life. I keep busy. But what on earth has you here in Lawrence? I thought you moved after you went back to live with your uncle? Gabe motioned toward a café table in the corner and the two men followed him over. They all sat down and then Gabe was practically beaming at Dean.

“I never thought I’d see you again man, I’m so glad you’re here!” Clearly Gabe had lost none of the enthusiasm he’d had as a kid. 

“I’m glad to be here. And yes, we moved about a year after I went back to my uncle. I actually live in South Dakota now. I’m here on business. Trust me, I don’t walk around in monkey suits unless I absolutely have to. I leave that up to my brother.” Dean joked.

“What kind of business?” Gabe asked.

“I own a chain of auto repair shops. I’m actually opening a new one here in Lawrence.” Dean replied. Gabe’s face lit up. 

“Seriously? We need a good repair shop around here! That’s great news! I’ll be one of your first customers. I need my car looked at. When do you think you’ll have it open?” 

“Well, the goal is within six months. We’re finalizing the purchase of the land, then we have to fix up the building and get it up to code. Once that’s done we can start the opening.” Dean explained. Gabe frowned. 

“Really? Six months?” Dean chuckled and patted him on the shoulder.

“What’s going on with your car Gabe? Maybe I can take a look at it before I leave.” Gabe’s face lit up again.

“That would be awesome! And I have no idea what’s going on with it. It’s making all sorts of weird noises and some days it doesn’t even want to start.”

“Give me your number. I’ll text you before I leave and I’ll swing by to take a look at it.” 

They exchanged numbers quickly and then Gabe was pulling him into another hug.

“Man, wait til I tell Cassie and Mike that you’re in town! They’ll be so stoked!” Dean stiffened his Gabe’s arms and sat back. He realized Gabe was watching him. 

“So I hear you have killer croissants.” He attempted to sound casual but he couldn’t hide the strain in his voice. Gabe cocked his head at him in a very familiar way. It reminded him of another Novak brother. One with eyes bluer than the sky…

“Sure. Victor here stops in for them whenever he’s in town. I’ll hook you up.” Gabe got up and went behind the counter, giving orders to the man working there. 

“He’s short.” Dean quipped and Victor burst out laughing.

“Yes he is. He’s the shortest if you don’t count Anna.”

Dean grinned over at him before turning to see Gabe walking back over with two bags. He deposited it on the table.

“Croissants and donuts. On the house.” He was beaming and it made the other men both smile. Victor dug into one of the bags and pulled out a croissant. He pulled out a second one and handed it to Dean. Dean took it and bit into it. 

“Wow, these are good!” He groaned between bites. Gabe smiled even wider.

“Where did you even learn to bake? Naomi never let any of the kids in the kitchen.” Dean asked.

Gabe snorted. “Yes, I know. But I didn’t let that stop me. I took a cooking class in my senior year and I was hooked. I started cooking and then moved on to baking. I went to culinary school for a few years but I didn’t graduate. I like baking much more than cooking, so with my brothers’ help I opened this place up.” He swept his arms toward the bakery and Dean could see how proud he was of the place. When he dropped his hands again he looked a touch more serious.

“You know Cassie would love to know you’re in town. He still talks about you.” Dean deliberately dug into the other bag and pulled out a crueler.

“Are all of your baked goods French?” He asked. It seemed to be enough to distract Gabe from talking about Cas.

“No, why?”

Dean held up the donut and wiggled it a bit. Gabe grinned and shrugged.

“I just make what I think tastes good. If I remember correctly you like pie.”

Dean couldn’t help his excitement. “Hell yes I love pie.”

Gabe held up a finger telling him to wait and then disappeared behind the counter again. A minute later Gabe was returning with a plate, a fork, and a generous slice of pecan pie.

“No way dude! You’re awesome!” Dean cried as Gabe set the pie down in front of him. He dumped the donut back in the bag and dug into the slice of pie with more enthusiasm than a 37 year old man should have, but he didn’t care. He groaned after the first bite.

“This is possibly the best pie I’ve ever had.” Gabe and Victor both watched him in amusement as he finished off the slice. “That was seriously amazing man. You have a gift in the kitchen.”

Gabe preened under the compliment. “I’ll hook you up with a couple of pies before you head home.”

“Thanks man, they’ll get eaten, trust me.” Dean promised. 

They chatted for a while and they caught each other up on what had been going on for the last twenty five years. Of course Gabe was infinitely nosier than Victor was.

“So why aren’t you married with a house full of kids? You certainly aren’t lacking in the looks department. You should have a supermodel wife and two point five rugrats underfoot. I screwed that part up personally. I got the two point five kids, just not the supermodel wife.” Gabe joked.

“Nah, not my style.” Dean replied with a chuckle. Gabe cocked his head as he studied him.

“Deano, you’re not into the ladies are you?” It wasn’t really a question. Dean grinned and winked.

“Bingo.” He didn’t hide his sexuality anymore. He was comfortable with himself now, unlike years earlier. He was a bit caught off guard by Gabe’s lack of surprise. Then Gabe seemed to be considering something.

“Oh, that makes sense. I saw you checking boys out on occasion but I wasn’t sure what that was all about. Guess now I know.”

Dean clenched his jaw and silently prayed that Gabe hadn’t noticed him staring at Cas. Gabe chuckled and nudged him. “I noticed that too bro. I know what you’re thinking but it’s cool.” He kept his voice low so Victor wouldn’t hear him. Gabe sat back up and gave his trademark smirk once again.

“So, are you dating anyone at all?”

Dean shook his head. “Ah, no. I broke up with my ex last year. We’re still good friends, but as a couple we just weren’t working. I didn’t love him like that. I focus on my business and don’t really get out much.”

“Well, I hope you won’t be a stranger. You’ll visit Lawrence more often now, right? With your shop here? I’ll take you out, introduce you to people. Lots of nice places to meet people.” Gabe was excited at the thought of dragging Dean out places.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll be out here more often. I can’t say it will be a lot, but I do travel around to all of my shops regularly. I’ll just let you know when I’m in town.”

Dean checked his watch. It was almost one. “I hate to cut this short but I have that meeting to get to. And I’m dying to get out of this suit, so the sooner this meeting happens, the sooner I can get out of this.” He motioned toward his suit. Gabe stood up and hugged him where he was still sitting in his seat.

“Please don’t be a stranger Dean. It was really good seeing you again. We all missed you after you left. Especially Cassie.”

Dean forced a smile and got to his feet. “It was really good to see you guys. Victor, you better call me soon man, I want to meet that beautiful wife of yours and see the baby once it’s here.” Victor nodded and stood up to hug him.

“Absolutely man. No way +are we losing touch again. Good luck with your meeting.”

Dean made his way back to the hotel with the bags of baked goods and knocked on his brother’s door. Sam opened the door, a look of surprise on his face when he saw the bags in his brother’s hands.

“Are those all croissants?” He asked as he accepted one and peered into it.

“No, one has donuts.” Dean replied.

“I can’t eat all of this.” Sam dug a croissant out and bit into it. “Wow, this is really good. Almost as good as the ones I had when I went to Paris in 2012.”

“Where are we meeting them?” Dean asked. Sam set the bags of bread and pastries down on the counter by the coffee pot and reached into the bathroom to wipe his hands off.

“Restaurant called Mulligan’s about twelve blocks from here.” He replied. Dean took a deep breath and released it.

“Let’s get going then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter coming tonight. I hope you all like it so far!


	5. Some Things Are Not Meant to Be Overheard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean hears Castiel telling Gabriel something that he wishes he didn't. Castiel can't figure out why Dean's suddenly giving him the cold shoulder, but Gabriel knows why.

October 1989

“So…I have a date!” Dean was pretty sure from the hushed tones that he was not supposed to be hearing the conversation between Gabriel and Castiel, and he really wished that he hadn’t chosen that moment to go up to the room they shared. This was news he didn’t want to hear.

“What’s her name?” Gabriel was asking. Dean hovered just outside the bedroom door, suddenly afraid to go in. His heart was actually hurting and his stomach was queasy.

“Her name is Meg.” Castiel replied.

“So, is she hot?” Gabriel was using a playful tone, though often times Castiel missed his joking and replied honestly.

“She’s pretty with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She asked me to the dance. She’s in my English and Algebra classes. She told me I’m hot. I am not hot!” Castiel actually sounded embarrassed at having been complimented like that. In that moment Dean decided against going into the room. He retreated down the hall to the room Victor and Michael shared and knocked softly. Shuffling footsteps told him the room was occupied and a moment later Michael was opening the door. He smiled warmly.

“Hey Dean. What’s up?” He asked, stepping aside to let Dean in.

“Not much. Just didn’t feel like going to my room. What are you guys up to?” He crossed the room and dropped onto the empty beanbag chair in the corner. Victor held up the comic book he was reading without taking his eyes off the pages.

“Reading.”

Dean snagged another comic off the floor and flipped it open. A moment later he was lost in the storyline. Michael was sprawled across his own bed listening to music and doodling in a notebook. It was a half hour or so later when someone knocked on the door. Victor got up to answer it. Dean didn’t even bother looking up. He was afraid it was Castiel.

“What are you guys doing?” Angie was asking. Dean did look up then, smiling at her.

“Reading. Do you like comics?” He asked. She smiled back and nodded. “Love them.”

He handed her the one he had just finished before she walked in and plopped down on Victor’s bed with it.

“Cool, X-Men, my favorite.” She murmured as she opened it and started reading. Ten minutes later there was another knock at the door. 

“Come in.” Victor called out instead of getting up again. This time it was Castiel. Dean cursed softly under his breath. Castiel scanned the room, locking on Dean.

“Hey.” He said softly as he walked in and made his way over to where Dean was sitting. He looked up at Castiel and gave a small nod before turning his attention back to his book. Dean never could quite figure how Castiel always seemed to know where he was, or why he even came looking for him. As he sat down he searched through the comic books on the floor, settling on a Spiderman one. He leaned back against the beanbag Dean was sitting in and Dean had to resist the urge to run his fingers through that dark mess that Castiel called hair. His arm was pressed against Dean’s thigh though he didn’t look up at him. Under normal circumstances Dean would have liked having Cas so close. He still wasn’t exactly sure what his feelings were for the blue eyed boy were exactly, but he knew it was more than just as friends. Cas was nice and thoughtful and handsome… Suddenly his heart was pounding in his chest. When did he start thinking of Cas as handsome? And when did he start thinking of boys in general as handsome? Unable to focus any further on the comic he was holding he dared to look down at Castiel. He was close enough that Dean could smell his shampoo and see the muscles flexing with every move he made. As far as he could tell Castiel was really reading the comic in his hands. He even snickered occasionally at something funny he had read. Dean had never known him to read something as simple as a comic so he found this amusing. Then he remembered Castiel’s date. His stomach felt sour again and with a silent pout he forced himself to return his attention to the comic in his hands. When he finished it he set it aside and got up. Castiel looked up but Dean didn’t even acknowledge him. He murmured goodbye to Victor and left the room. 

He really just wanted to go lay down in his bed but he was afraid Castiel would follow him and try to talk to him, and he didn’t want to talk. He knew he had no reason to be upset about Castiel having a date, but he was eleven and he was selfish. And he didn’t want Castiel to like a girl. Tears were threatening to spill so he hurried down the stairs, keeping an eye out for Naomi and made his way out to the backyard. In the corner was a treehouse, though it really wasn’t all that far off the ground, and he made his way up into it. Victor spent the most time out here and it was evident by the stacks of comics and empty bottles of soda strewn about. He was lucky Naomi didn’t come up here or she’d tan his hide. He settled into a chair in the corner and picked up one of the comics. Absently he flipped through it, looking more at the pictures than actually reading the words. He heard the backdoor open and from where he was sitting he could see who had come outside. It was Castiel of course. What the hell? He looked briefly around the yard, only glancing at the treehouse before disappearing back into the house. Dean was pretty sure that was disappointment on the other boy’s face, though he couldn’t imagine why. 

He stayed in the treehouse until he heard Naomi calling them for dinner. The comic he was reading cast aside, he made his way down to the yard and then went into the house. Voices in the hall told him Anna was nearby and she smiled brightly when she saw him. He smiled back before ducking into one of the downstairs bathrooms to wash his hands. Naomi’s rule was that everyone had to wash their hands before dinner. Anna slipped in behind him and waited for him to finish before she took over the sink and washed her own hands. He waited for her and they walked to the dining room together.

Dinner was the one meal they ate together as a family, so it was done in the dining room at the big table. The other kids were already seated except for Michael who sat down a minute later. Dean squeezed in on the other side of Victor so that Anna was on his right and kept his eyes on the table. He knew both Gabriel and Castiel were looking at him but he didn’t care. Anna struck up a conversation and he happily responded. Anything to avoid Castiel’s penetrating stare. When dinner was over they hurried to clean up. Each kid had an after dinner chore and tonight it was Dean’s turn to wipe down the table and counters. With a bottle of all purpose cleaner and a rag he started his job. Michael was washing the dishes while Victor dried, and Gabriel was busy saving the leftovers. Castiel was patiently waiting with the mop and a bucket of clean water for Anna to finish sweeping. Dean ignored everyone, completed his chore and left. This time he had nowhere to go but up to his room. 

He still had homework to finish so he pulled it out and got to work on it. Gabriel walked in, pausing to look at him before continuing on to his own bed.

“Hey Deano. Are you mad at me or Cassie?” He asked as he laid back in his bed. Dean barely glanced up at him.

“No, why would I be?” His tone was clipped but not overly rude. Gabriel frowned. 

“You’re a lousy liar Dean. What did we do?”

With a heavy sigh and an exaggerated eye roll Dean looked up at him. “You didn’t do anything. I’m not mad at anyone. Just drop it, ok?”

Gabriel held his hands up in defense. “Fine, sorry I asked.” He grabbed a book off his nightstand and with a frown started reading. It wasn’t long before Castiel came in. He actually looked surprised to see Dean in the room.

“You ok Dean?” He asked as he made his way to his own bed. Dean deliberately didn’t look up.

“I’m fine Cas.” 

Castiel frowned and looked over at Gabriel who just shrugged and went back to reading his book. Neither knew exactly what was going on with Dean, though Gabriel had a pretty good idea of what it was. He’d heard the footsteps outside the bedroom earlier when he and his brother had been talking. Dean had overheard them. It wasn’t something he wanted to tell his brother though. He knew Castiel was struggling with his identity, and that it wasn’t something Naomi wouldn’t be able to handle at all so it was best for his brother to get out there, date girls, be in relationships with them, even if he didn’t like them. Of course Dean wouldn’t understand that. Besides, at just this side of twelve he was pretty sure that Dean didn’t know what he really liked either. So he kept his mouth shut. In the end it was what was best for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I found 5 minutes to post this chapter. Next chapter coming tomorrow!


	6. You Can't Run Away From Your Past Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam show up for the meeting to negotiate the terms of the land purchase, and they meet the lawyer representing the Blakes. Dean is forced to confront old feelings that he has spent twenty five years running away from.

July 2015

The restaurant was nothing spectacular. It was large but done up like a southern saloon. It reminded Dean and Sam both of The Roadhouse and they both felt sorely overdressed. They were escorted by a waitress in a tee shirt and jeans to a table way at the back. It was big enough to seat twenty and Dean wondered just how many people were actually coming. Once they were seated Dean ordered an iced tea and Sam asked for a glass of water with lemon. They were twenty minutes early so they discussed the sale and what exactly they were willing to offer if the need to negotiate arose. At five minutes to two the lawyer for their party arrived.

“Dean?” A surprised voice asked. Dean didn’t recognize it, it was so deep. He looked up and felt his stomach drop out. 

“Cas?”

He didn’t remember getting to his feet but suddenly he was being hugged tightly. He looked over at his brother, the shock apparent on his face. Sam looked just as surprised. At least he remembered to hug the other man back.

“You’re a lawyer?” Cas asked when he stepped back. 

“Uh, no. Sam here is the lawyer. I’m the one buying the land.” Cas looked over at Sam for a moment, nodding and then looking back at Dean.

“Winchester Motors is yours? A chain, correct? I’m sorry, I haven’t completely gotten to go over the purchase agreement. They just hired me yesterday.” Cas admitted. Dean nodded.

“Yes, Winchester Motors is mine. Sammy here is my lawyer and handling our end. I guess that means you’re handling the other end.” Dean smiled weakly. Cas was practically beaming at him and it set the long dead butterflies in his stomach a flutter. Cas had been handsome as a fourteen year old boy but as a forty year old man he was downright gorgeous. He still had a hand on Dean’s arm and seemed to just now realize this. He dropped it and took the seat across from where Dean and Sam were sitting. Cas kept smiling at him and it was freaking Dean out a bit.

“Please, when we’re done here, no matter the outcome, I’d like to catch up. It’s been much too long.” Cas said. Dean dared to smile a little wider. As much as he thought he had wanted to avoid Cas, he really had missed him terribly and he found that he did want to catch up.

“Sure. And what do you mean whatever the outcome?”

Cas chuckled and set his briefcase on the table. He pulled out a folder and set it on the table before returning the case to the floor.

“So my clients have made a mistake. The sale is still good, except the money needs to be divided amongst all of them. Arthur Blake, the man that originally was set to sell you the land is being rather difficult. He wants the original amount offered strictly for himself and does not wish to share it with his siblings.” He explained.

“I thought this might happen. What exactly are they expecting? We don’t have to complete this sale. We can buy a plot of land anywhere. We’re trying to help them financially as well as add revenue to this community. They are aware of this, right?” Sam was in full legal mode and all Dean could do was sit back and let the man work. He admired his brother’s tenacity and his cunning eye for detail, though sitting here watching Sam hash it out with Cas he realized that Cas was just as shrewd and just as intelligent as Sam was. The two men discussed new sales terms and they haggled until they reached terms that Dean was comfortable with.

“When are they even coming?” Dean asked when an hour had passed and the sellers still had not arrived. Cas checked his watch.

“They should be walking in any minute. Ah, here they come now.” Dean didn’t miss the hint of sarcasm in the man’s voice as his blue eyes were directed towards four people that were walking towards them. He turned to see the people walking over. If Dean didn’t know any better he’d say they had just walked right out of a cliché country song with their plaid shirts, jeans and cowboy boots. And they were all dressed like that. Under ordinary circumstances he might have laughed. The taller man’s shirt even had fringe. Dean stood up to meet each of them, shaking each of their hand and flashing them his best smile. One of the sisters blushed and Dean just wanted to crawl into a hole. Once they were seated Dean returned to his seat, ignoring the way Cas was staring at him. Apparently one thing that hadn’t changed was that he still bored holes in peoples’ heads with his eyes. Oddly Dean still wasn’t bothered by it. 

Sam launched back into his previous speech and Cas kept up with him the entire time. The Blake’s offered their two cents worth, though mostly it was Arthur’s sisters. They didn’t want to get screwed. His brother looked like he was having a hard time following what the two lawyers were saying. Dean learned their names when the blushing sister reached across the table to touch his hand and draw his attention to her.

“I’m Sue Ann, this here’s my brother George and my sister Kay. You must be the man buying the land, right? Mr. Winchester?”

Dean nodded. “That is correct. As long as our terms are met, yes, I will be buying the land.” He saw the warning look Sam gave him and opted to simply sip at his glass of tea instead of open his mouth again.

“Where you from Mr. Winchester?” Arthur Blake asked.

“Right here in Lawrence.” Dean replied.

“Is that right? Well sugar, that’s great news.” Sue Ann said and Dean flinched at the term of endearment she had chosen to use. Benny used to call him that. Still did sometimes.

“I don’t live here anymore though. I live in South Dakota.” He added. He didn’t want this woman thinking he was fresh meat for her to hunt. She had a hungry look in her eyes that made him uncomfortable. When he looked up he saw the amused expression on Cas’ face and he frowned at him. This was not funny. Dean tried to pay closer attention to what his brother and Cas were saying so that the Blake’s would leave him alone, and it seemed to work. As the meeting drew to a close Sue Ann spoke up again.

“So we need at least twenty four hours to discuss this. We will contact our lawyer here and he will be in touch.” She stood up and her siblings stood up with her. They watched them shuffle out and Dean let out a sigh of relief.

“What the hell did we get ourselves into with these people Sammy?” He growled as he loosened his tie.

“They’re interesting characters, I’ll give them that.” Sam said as he shrugged out of his jacket. Dean looked over at Cas, half expecting him to gather his things and leave but he was busy pouring over the terms of the negotiation that Sam had scribbled down on a notepad.

“I believe these terms are more than fair. If they don’t accept them it’s because they’re greedy. I can help you procure a different piece of property if it comes to that.” Cas said. 

“I want this one though. It’s centrally located, the price is right, and the tax breaks are decent. But if they get greedy I’ll rescind the offer. Please let them know that the offer only stands for twenty four hours.” Dean said. Cas looked up at him as though trying to determine what he meant by that.

“Are you leaving at that time?” He asked.

“That’s the idea.” Sam spoke up before Dean could.

“I run the shop in South Dakota. I left my uncle and my cousin Jo in charge til I get back.” Dean added, as though that was all the explanation needed.

“Oh, I thought maybe you were staying longer.” Cas said, and yes, that was definitely disappointment Dean was hearing in his voice.

“Well Dean, you could always promote Benny to manager, then you could stay a bit longer. He already practically runs the place when you’re not there.” Sam said. Sam knew full well who Cas was and how crazy Dean had been about him when they were kids. He wanted to glare at his little brother, maybe even smack him in the back of the head except that Cas was staring right at him.

“Yeah, maybe.” Was all he was willing to commit to at that moment.

“So call him right now. Give Bobby a break. Jo will happily run the place but she’s a tyrant. The guys like Benny.” Sam said. And now Dean did glare at his brother, but he was already pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing Benny’s cell.

“Dean?” Benny asked, surprised that he’d be calling. He didn’t miss the affection in the other man’s voice but he did ignore it.

“Yeah, hi. Say, I have a proposition for you.” Dean said, pointedly ignoring the way both his brother and Cas were staring at him.

“Proposition, eh? Sugar I thought we had gone down that road and decided things between us were over.” Benny’s smooth Cajun drawl always made him shiver and he could feel his face flushing.

“Not like that. Stop it! I want to put you in charge of the shop. You game?” He asked.

“Seriously?” Benny asked.

“Dead serious. I’m sure Jo is running the place like a prison camp and Bobby is probably tired out. I need someone familiar with the place that the guys respect. Can you handle it?”

“Sugar, you know I can. Anything for you. I get a raise though, right?” 

Dean huffed out a laugh. “Of course you’ll get a raise. We’ll hash out the terms when I get back.”

“Awesome. You best let Bobby and Jo know though. Don’t leave that on me.” Benny warned.

“I won’t. I’ll call them later. Consider tomorrow your first day as manager.” 

“Sounds good. When you coming back Dean? We all miss you.” The tone in Benny’s voice told him how much he still cared. It was Dean that broke things off. Benny never would have. 

Dean sighed. “Now’s not the time. We’ll talk later, ok?”

“Ok. Be safe.”

“I always am.”

Dean hung up and slid the phone back into his pocket. He glared at his brother just for good measure.

“He’ll do it. I’ll work out the terms of his raise later though.” 

Sam seemed pleased with his answer though Cas was looking at him again, head tilted as though he were trying to figure Dean out. Sam turned his attention to Cas.

“So, this aside, what made you decide on business law Cas?” 

Dean rolled his eyes as they discussed their mutual love of law and justice and waved to the waitress that had seated them. He ordered another iced tea and lunch, stopping the other two men long enough to get them to order too. They were still talking when the food arrived.

“So Dean here stopped by your brother’s bakery this morning and picked up some of the best croissants I’ve ever eaten. If I lived here I’d have to eat them every day. They’re amazing.”

Cas turned to look at Dean and this time he could see those blue eyes were tinged with hurt. 

“You stopped in to see Gabe?” What he wasn’t saying was ‘but you didn’t want to at least let me know you were in town?’ 

“I ran into Victor last night at my hotel. He insisted that I stop in at the bakery. Once I left I stopped back at the hotel to drop the pastries off and I came here. I haven’t really had time to do anything. I just got here last night.” Dean wasn’t sure why he felt the need to explain himself, but he wanted that look of hurt to disappear from Cas’ eyes. Slowly a smile formed on Cas’ lips and Dean felt the butterfly explosion in his belly again. God the man was gorgeous and that smile… Dean swallowed hard and picked up his fresh glass of tea.

“So did they catch you up?” Cas asked. Dean finished his sip of tea and nodded.

“I got the rundown pretty much from Victor. I’m happy for him and his wife. I’m happy for the rest of the family though frankly the idea of Gabe as a father is a bit scary.” 

Cas laughed and nodded. “Not just the idea of it. He’s scary as a father. He’s still a big kid himself.”

“I figured as much. I’m sure his kids get plenty of cavities.” Dean was joking but Cas was nodding. 

“I know you’re joking there but it’s true. He pays a small fortune in dental bills, and that’s even with Rafe as their dentist.”

Suddenly Cas turned serious again. “So what about you Dean? Do you have a family out there in South Dakota?” Dean shot a glance over at Sam who was hiding his smirk in his glass of water, the jerk.

“Uh no Cas, I’m not married and I don’t have kids.” He replied. 

“Me either.” Cas said, and Dean raised an eyebrow, completely surprised by this.

“No? I’m surprised. You were a bit of a ladies man by the time I left.” He had to fight not to sound bitter and he was pretty sure it came off as casual. Sam was looking at him with his own eyebrow raised though, so maybe he hadn’t been as smooth as he’d thought. Cas looked embarrassed and stared into his empty coffee cup to avoid Dean’s stare.

“Yeah, that was mostly Gabe’s doing. An attempt to stay under Naomi’s radar. You remember what she was like.” Cas said and waved a hand in the air as though everyone knew what Naomi Novak had been like.

“I remember. I still wash my hands before meals thanks to her.” Dean said with a sly grin. “But what are you talking about flying under the radar?” He didn’t understand that part.

Cas turned so that he was looking Dean dead in the eye. “Naomi is homophobic. I’m gay. When I finally came out to my family she tried to kick me out of the house. It caused a huge fight between her and my dad. It was the beginning of the end of their marriage I believe. I was glad when they finally broke up.”

Dean couldn’t believe what Cas had just said. He was gay? HE WAS GAY?! He felt numb and his ears felt like they were filled with cotton. Before he could compose himself and respond a plate of hot food was being set down in front of him. He gave a small shake of his head and turned his attention to the steak and baked potato sitting there. It took him a moment to realize that Sam was talking.

“So no partner? No significant other at all?” He was asking Cas.

“Sammy.” Dean warned but Sam ignored him. Cas glanced over at Dean before turning his attention back to Sam.

“No Sam, I am not involved with anyone currently.”

Sam nodded. “Neither is Dean here. He got out of a relationship about a year ago. Dead end, wasn’t going anywhere. Nice enough guy though. It’s a shame it didn’t work out.” Dean almost choked on the piece of steak he was trying to swallow, and Cas was sputtering around a sip of his coffee. The look Dean shot his brother told him that he was going to pay for that later. Sam smiled smugly and dug into his giant salad, ignoring the hole Dean was boring into the side of his head.

“Dean?” Cas asked. Dean turned to look at him.

“Yeah Cas?”

Suddenly Cas looked shy. He lowered his eyes to the food on his plate.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” He murmured as he cut his potato and popped a bite in his mouth. 

“If it’s important Cas just say it.” Dean told him. Cas shook his head though and glanced at Sam before turning his eyes to his food again. Dean understood. He didn’t want to talk in front of Sam.

“Maybe later?” Dean asked. Cas smiled and nodded.

The rest of the meal was spent in conversation about things that Dean could actually talk about. They discussed everything that had happened after leaving Kansas and Sam bragged about Dean earning three degrees, even when Dean tried to downplay the whole thing. Cas was clearly impressed though and said as much. Dean of course blushed. When the meal was over Sam whipped out the business credit card and paid for everything. Slowly they got to their feet. Sam excused himself to go to the bathroom leaving Dean alone with Cas. They started walking towards the door.

“Dean?” Cas asked, and again Dean was struck by how shy he suddenly seemed.

“Yeah Cas?”

“I would very much like if you would join me for dinner tomorrow night.” Cas blurted. Dean couldn’t help but smile. 

“Dinner? Ok, where?” 

Cas looked even more uncomfortable. “My house?”

Dean considered this for a moment. Did he really want to be alone with Cas? He looked up into those blue eyes and knew that even if all Cas wanted was to be friends, he wanted to come to his house and have dinner with him, even if it left him with a dull, aching throb in his heart for the rest of his life.

“Sure, that sounds nice. Want me to bring anything?” He asked.

Cas smiled again. “No, I’ll have everything covered.”

“You’re sure?” 

Cas nodded. “Oh, but give me your number. I only have your office number, and seeing as how you’re here, I doubt I could reach you at it.” Dean smirked. He’d forgotten about Cas’ dry wit. He really had missed it. He rattled off his cell number and Cas quickly entered it in his phone.

“What hotel are you staying at?” He asked as he slipped his phone into his pocket.

“Hilton Garden Inn.” Dean replied. 

“Never stayed there myself. Is it nice?” Cas asked.

“Anything is nicer than the shitholes I stayed in as a kid. But this one has cable and a fluffy bed, so I’m content.” Dean replied.

“Sam is staying there too I assume?” 

Dean nodded. “He has the room across the hall from me.”

“Well Dean, I must be going, I have another meeting at six but I look forward to seeing you again tomorrow. You’ll hear from me if they contact me sooner with a decision.” Cas pulled him into another hug and this time he held Dean a little longer. It sent his head spinning as to the meaning of it all. Then he was gone and Dean was left standing there with the lingering scent of Cas’ cologne and empty arms.

When Sam came out of the bathroom he not so casually looked around.

“Where’s Cas?” He asked. He was looking at Dean with a smirk that Dean wanted to scrub off his face.

“He had another meeting to get to.” Dean replied gruffly as they left the restaurant and headed out to the car.

“He seemed really happy to see you Dean. Why didn’t you want to see him while you were here?” Sam could be exceptionally nosey when he wanted to be. Dean was already pulling out of the parking lot but he spared a second to glare at his younger brother.

“That’s really none of your business.”

Sam was not one to give up. “Are you going to see him again while you’re in town?”’

Dean’s hands tightened on the wheel and his jaw clenched. Sam knew he was pushing his brother’s buttons but he also knew how Dean had felt about Cas all those years ago, and how obvious it was that he still had feelings for him. He opted to change the subject for a moment.

“Was Benny starting crap on the phone again?”

Dean relaxed a bit and sighed deeply. “He doesn’t seem to take no for an answer. It’s been a year now and I still can’t get through to him that I’m not in love with him. I don’t want to hurt him but he’s not letting go.”

“Maybe you can leave him in charge there and come manage the one here.” Sam suggested, and that really had nothing to do with Cas being here. He felt that part of the reason Benny wasn’t letting go was because he and Dean still saw each other every day. They worked together and spent the better part of forty hours every week in one another’s presence. Sam suspected that they might even still be sleeping together, but he wasn’t going to call his brother out on that. What he knew was that Dean and Benny needed time apart. A lot of time. Dean knew his brother well enough to understand the meaning behind his words.

“Sam, it’s complicated.” Was all he could say.

“Why won’t you enlighten me then Dean? You tell me it’s complicated, but you won’t tell me why. I know you still have feelings for Cas, but you won’t let him in. So please, explain to me. I want to understand, and if I can help, I’ll do it, even if all I can be is a good listener. You know I won’t judge you. I love you, you’re my brother.” His tone was pleading and the look in his eyes was one that Dean was helpless to resist. He knew that no one had his best interest at heart as much as Sam did. If he could ever call someone his best friend, it would be Sam.

“It happened a few days before Bobby got custody of us.” Dean took a deep breath and didn’t speak again until they were parked in the hotel lot and on their way up to the sixth floor.

“If you want to hear this, change and come to my room. I need a shower.” Dean said outside their rooms. Sam nodded before disappearing into his own room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this chapter was REALLY long, so I split it in half. I will be nice though and post both halves tonight. Let me know what you think so far, leave a comment or a kudos. Enjoy!


	7. Confessions of a Drunk Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean decides it's time to tell Sam why he has harbored so much anger towards Cas all of these years. They bond over a bottle of whiskey which leads to drunk texts to Cas. Cas, fearing for Dean's mental well-being shows up at his hotel room (no smut) and Dean confesses something to him that he has held on to for twenty five long years. The long road to healing begins here. 
> 
> Revelation of feelings, and self deprication on Dean's part, but no fluff. Not yet at least...

Dean had just gotten out of the shower when he heard Sam knock. He tightened the towel around his waist and opened the door. Sam walked in with bottle of whiskey, dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. Dean liked seeing his brother dressed casually. He spent way too much time in suits as it was. 

“You read my mind.” Dean was grinning and nodding toward the bottle. Sam grinned right back. Dean grabbed a pair of boxers and a tee shirt from his suitcase and took them to the bathroom. While he was gone Sam grabbed a couple of the individually wrapped plastic cups and poured a finger of whiskey for each of them. When Dean returned he handed one of the cups to him. Dean nodded a thank you and went to sit in the chair in the corner. Sam sat at the desk and swiveled the chair around to look at him.

“So I’m here to be enlightened.” 

Dean swallowed the whiskey in his glass and held it out. Sam refilled it and Dean sat back, swirling the liquid around but not ready yet to drink it.

“So like I said, it happened a few days before Bobby came to get us. I really had mixed feelings. I was excited to be with you again, and to be with Bobby and Ellen, but I was going to miss the Novaks, despite the she beast that Naomi was. I know I spent almost a year there but I didn’t really see Gabe and Cas as my brothers. I saw them as friends, best friends if you will. Despite the age difference Gabe and I got along really well. He’s the reason I pulled so many pranks on you when we were kids. Gabe was constantly pulling them on us. And Cas… he was just always there. No matter where I was, he was there. If I pulled away and found somewhere to brood, like the basement or the den he would come seek me out. He always put my interests first, and he listened to me. He actually heard me, and he cared. We got to be very close. Around October of 1989 he got asked to a dance by this girl Meg. I understand now as an adult and hearing what he said today why he accepted her invitation, but dude, I was eleven and I had the biggest crush on him. No one was nicer to me than Cas was. Not even Gabe, and he was awesome. I actually felt cared about with Cas. Like I was loved. I’m not sure if it was just imprinting at first, but it was being around him that made me realize that I liked guys not girls. I followed him around like a little lost puppy for a long time. Until Meg came along. They dated almost a year, right up until I left.” 

Dean sighed and swallowed the whiskey. He held the cup out and Sam refilled it.

“So what was the big deal with Meg?” Sam asked. Dean scowled at hearing the question.

“Two days before I was set to leave with Bobby I walked in on them having sex.” The words came out as more of a grunt and he swallowed the contents of the glass. He could feel a pleasant buzz coming on. Sam grimaced and swallowed down the contents of his own cup.

“Damn.”

Dean huffed out a laugh but it was bitter and Sam knew that reliving this memory was extremely painful. 

“Understatement of the year there Sammy. I had just talked to Chuck and I was so excited. I wanted to tell Cas the good news. Gabe was gone, off on a date somewhere with this chick he’d been seeing, and Mike was out with friends. I’d already told Vic, Anna, and Angie, so of course I wanted to share the news with Cas. Anna had said he was home but I couldn’t find him, so I went looking for him. Found him up in the treehouse.” 

Dean looked at the empty cup in his hand for a moment before holding it out again. Sam refilled it without a word. He knew his brother was rehashing a painful memory and the alcohol haze helped to numb the pain.

“Looking back now you have to realize that he wasn’t really interested in her, right?” Sam asked. The misery on his brother’s face told him that there was more to the story.

Dean sighed and swallowed down the whiskey. “I heard voices so I climbed the ladder. I recognized Cas’ voice and I was about to call out his name when I realized who he was talking to and what he was saying.” He closed his eyes and grimaced. Sam leaned over and refilled his cup without him asking. When he opened his eyes he looked at the liquid for just a second before swallowing it.

“He didn’t see me. I heard him telling Meg that she was beautiful and that he loved her. And then…I heard him moaning. She was moaning too. Told him she loved him too. I just…climbed back down the ladder and ran to my room. One of the only times I ever got to be up there by myself. I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t speak to Cas again. Not a single word. I ignored him right until Bobby picked me up. I sort of ignored Gabe too because he kept talking about Cas and Meg. I just wanted to punch him in his nose.” Dean set the empty cup aside. He was beyond just having a pleasant buzz. 

“I get it. It explains why you cried every night for months after we went to live with Bobby and Ellen.” Sam said softly. Dean looked up, his brow knit into a scowl.

“You heard me?” 

Sam hesitated a moment before nodding. “It was hard not to man. I thought you weren’t happy to be back with me at first, but then you told me about Cas and I thought it was just that you missed him. But I get it now.” He swallowed his own refill of whiskey and grimaced at the way it burned going down. Whiskey was his brother’s liquor of choice, not his.

“What did Cas say after I went to the bathroom?” He asked.

Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “He invited me to dinner tomorrow night.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “And what did you say?”

Dean grimaced and rest his head against his hand. “I agreed, but I don’t think I’m going to go.”

“That’s your choice man, but I think the feelings you had back then were not one sided. I think maybe Meg confused some things, but dude, he’s gay. They were never meant to be together, but you heard him earlier. Naomi wouldn’t have accepted him and would have made his life a living hell. He did what he needed to do in order fit in within his own family. You can’t blame him for that. Plus he was a kid and he formed emotions for the girl that liked him. It was natural, but seriously, if you didn’t see the way he was looking at you today then you’re blind. And his invitation for dinner? That sounds suspiciously like a date.”

Damn Sam and his logic.

“I also think you should tell him. He’s going to want to know why you completely ignored him in the days right before you walked out of his life, presumably forever.”

Dean shook his head. “No way, not happening.”

“Dean, you have to stop running away from the past. Face it head on. It’s clear Cas likes you, and I know you still like him. Hell, you probably still love him. I don’t know the guy, but I’m pretty sure at some point he loved you too.”

Dean sighed irritably and ran his fingers through his still damp hair. “So what, I’m just supposed to show up, pretend nothing happened? It’s all I’ve fucking thought about for twenty five years! I used to dream about giving Cas my number before I left and exchanging letters with him, and maybe telling him through one of them how I really felt, but all of that came to a crashing halt when I saw his naked ass pumping up and down as he fucked Meg.” Somewhere a phone chirped. 

“Not mine. Mine’s in my room.” Sam said, his words slurring slightly. Dean squinted as he tried to figure out where he’d left his own phone. He spotted it by the coffee pot. A light on it was flashing alerting him that he had a message.

“It’s probably Jo or Benny. I can’t deal with either of them right now. Especially Benny.” He growled. Sam got up and grabbed the phone.

“Yeah, but what if it’s Cas? Oh look, it’s a local number. Must be him.” Sam thrust the phone at Dean who missed it on the first grab. Maybe he was drunker than he first thought. He opened his messages.

Unknown Caller: Dean, hi, it’s Cas. I forgot to give you my address and a time to be at my house tomorrow. I think it’s fate that brought us back together. I really missed you. Here’s my address. Be here by seven. Do you still like lasagna?

There was a second text with an address not too far from their hotel. It was within walking distance really. Dean knew the area.

Somehow he managed to add Cas as a contact though the screen was blurry. He sent back a text as fast as his fingers would allow.

Dean: Got it. I will be there by seven.

He thought that would be the end of it but his phone chirped again.

Cas: Are you back at your hotel now?

Dean: Yeah. Having a drink with my brother. Maybe might have drank too much.

Cas: Once in a while a drink to take off the edge is nice. I’m enjoying a glass of wine myself. My clients sometimes get under my skin. Especially the Blakes.

Dean: I’m drinking whiskey. I can’t stand up right now.

Cas: At least you’re safe in your hotel room. I didn’t picture you or Sam as big drinkers.

Dean: Sam’s not. I only drink when I have stuff on my mind. I have a lot of stuff on my mind.

Dean squinted at the phone. Why had he said that? That wasn’t anything he wanted Cas to know.

Cas: Are you ok Dean?

Dean growled and Sam looked up at him. He’d been staring absently into his empty cup. 

“S’matter?” Sam asked. He couldn’t hide the slur any longer.

“Cas wants to know if I’m ok.” Dean replied matter-of-factly. Sam gave him his best drunken, concerned look.

‘Are you ok?”

Dean looked back down at his phone and then over at his empty cup. He grabbed the cup and held it out. “Hit me.”

Sam grabbed the half empty bottle and poured way too much into the cup. Dean drank the alcohol down before attempting to set the cup on the table next to him and missing the table entirely.

Dean: No m nt ok. Got stuf on my mnd.

Cas: I don’t mean to pry, but what kind of stuff? You know, we used to talk about everything. I’ll still listen.

Dean frowned even harder at the phone. Fucking Cas and his sensitivity.

Dean: You kno I saw u.

It was almost five minutes before Cas replied.

Cas: I don’t understand, saw me?

Dean: With Meg.

It was more than a minute before Cas replied and Dean was starting to doze off in his chair. When the phone chirped he jumped and looked down at the screen, squinting to bring it into some kind of focus.

Cas: What? Oh God, is that why you wouldn’t talk to me? I couldn’t figure out why you were so mad at me! I thought you hated me when you left!

Dean: I did. But I didnt. I dnt kno aymore. Fck it.

Cas: Dean, what’s your room number?

Dean: I don’t know. m too fucked up ti remmemeber.

Cas: Go to the door and read the number.

Dean looked up at the door. It was so far away.

“Sam? What’s my room number?”

Sam was dozing in his chair, slowly sliding toward the floor but he opened his eyes. “Wha…”

“My room number? What is it?”

Sam got up and staggered to the door. He pulled it open and stared hard at the number. “Six fourteen. Why does it matter?”

Dean shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

Dean: 614

Cas: How much did you drink Dean?

Dean had to squint to put the bottle of whiskey in focus. The bottle was three quarters gone but he had no idea how much he’d actually drank.

Dean: I dunno

He looked over at the door and saw that Sam was gone. A soft click across the hall told him that Sam had staggered off to his own room.

Dean: I dunno what Im supposened to do cas. Is all tooo mush

Cas: Dean, I want you to open the door now, ok? Open it up.

Dean looked up at the door. Why did Cas want him to open it? He got to his feet, dropping the phone in the process. For a moment he just stood there trying to get the room to stop spinning. Slowly he made his way to the door and opened it. His eyebrows shot up in surprise when he saw Cas standing there.

“What’re you doing here?” He sounded cleared headed to himself but his tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth. Cas walked right in the room, not waiting for an invite. He glanced at the bottle of whiskey on the table and frowned.

“Was that full?” He asked. Dean looked at the bottle again.

“I don’t know. Sammy brought it over.” He swayed, nearly falling back into the mirrored closet doors behind him but Cas’ hands caught him, steadied him.

“Come on Dean, you need to lie down.” Cas spoke softly and suddenly Dean was transported back to his childhood, to his first night at the Novak house.

“No, I miss Sammy. Officer Cooper took him away.” He felt the tears burning in his eyes as Cas led him over to his bed. His head fell back against the pillows and he let out a sigh. 

“Shh, it’s alright now Dean, Sammy isn’t with Officer Cooper anymore, he’s right across the hall in his own room.” Cas spoke softly, his voice soothing just as it had so many years ago.

“I love you Cas, do you know that? So much. Sorry I never told you.” He mumbled as his eyes grew heavy and began to close. He was asleep before he felt the blankets being tucked around him, and he missed the tears that spilled from the beautiful blue eyes that he still loved so much.

It was sometime just before dawn when Dean awoke. His head was splitting and his stupid phone was chirping again. 

“Fuck.” He grumbled as he sat up. A pain shot through his head and he winced. His phone suddenly stopped chirping and he realized that it was being pressed into his hand. He jumped back and hurried to turn on the lamp next to his bed.

“Cas? What the hell man!” He snapped. Cas was sitting in the chair he himself had been sitting in earlier, and he looked like he’d just been woken up.

“Your phone won’t stop beeping.” Cas muttered and yawned. Dean looked down at the phone in his hands. He opened it and saw that he had several texts from Benny.

“Goddamnit…” He read the texts and sighed. Apparently Benny had gotten drunk too and had drunk texted him. He set it on the nightstand before looking at Cas again. Blue eyes, now slightly more awake than they’d been before were watching him.

“What are you doing here? How did you get in?” He was pretty sure he knew the answer but he wanted to hear Cas say it anyway.

“You were getting sad drunk earlier and drunk texted me. You scared me, so I asked you your room number and I came to make sure you were alright. You let me in.” Cas replied. He sat up a little straighter in the chair and grimaced at the way his back twinged.

“I what?” 

“You said you only drink when you have things on your mind, and you went on to say nothing mattered anymore and some other stuff. I’ve never gotten texts like that before. It scared me.” Cas admitted.

Dean laid back against his pillows and tried to remember what happened after he and Sam had started drinking. It was a big blur but he was sure he’d told Sam everything about his last days in foster care. He stared at the ceiling trying to recall the rest. Yes, he had let Cas in, and Cas had tucked his drunk ass into bed. That he could remember. 

“Did I cry?” He asked.

“Yes, I think you were reliving your first day with us, when you woke up in the middle of the night crying for your brother. In case you’re worried, he’s across the hall in his room, most likely sleeping off his own drunkenness, just as you are.” Cas replied. 

“You don’t have to stay. I didn’t mean to worry you. Sorry about that.” He rolled onto his side away from Cas. He remembered now why Cas had come. He had admitted to seeing him with Meg. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why had he drank so much?!

“Dean…” He could hear Cas getting up and walking over to the bed. A moment later the bed dipped as Cas sat down on the edge.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

Dean pulled the blankets tighter around himself. “It doesn’t matter, it was a long time ago, and it was none of my business anyway, so just drop it. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I should never be allowed to hold my phone when I’m drunk.”

Cas shifted his weight, pulling one leg half under him as he turned to face Dean’s back.

“It does matter. I was a stupid, horny teenager. I did a lot of stupid things back then. The stupidest was probably not telling you how I felt. I thought because of the age difference that it was wrong. It’s not so big of a difference now though, is it.” He said bitterly.

Dean looked back over his shoulder and saw Cas staring down at his hands, a pained expression on his face.

“What are you talking about?”

Cas rubbed at his eyes. “You were twelve, I was fourteen. To me that felt like a twenty year age difference back then. I felt like a freaking pedophile for liking you, and Gabe made me feel like one too. But I couldn’t help how I felt.”

Dean did roll over then. “What are you saying Cas?”

Cas dropped his hand and opened his eyes. He looked so lost and afraid.

“I’m saying that I loved you too Dean. I never stopped loving you.”

Dean pushed himself up on one elbow and pulled the blankets back. “Come here.”

He held out an arm and motioned for Cas to come and lay down next to him. Cas kicked off his shoes and curled up with his back pressed to Dean’s chest. Dean pulled the blankets up and over them. As a kid he’d had frequent nightmares in the months after he’d been separated from his brother and while the first few times he had made his way into Gabe’s bed, he eventually found his way into Cas’ instead. They would lay in the dark, Cas’ arm wrapped around him, fingers carding gently through his hair until he would drift back off to sleep. He always felt safest in Cas’ arms. Now it was his turn to hold Cas. He slid an arm over Cas waist and felt as the other man’s hands held on to it, as though afraid Dean would disappear if he let go.

“I’m sorry Dean.” 

“There’s nothing to apologize for. Except for me. I’m sorry I ignored you.”

“I understand now why you did. Had I been in your shoes I would have done the same thing. I betrayed you.” Cas’ voice hitched and Dean realized he was crying.

“Hey, don’t do that. You didn’t betray me. I was a kid, I wasn’t your boyfriend. I had no business caring what you did with Meg or with anyone else.” Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’ back and breathed in the scent of the laundry detergent he had used on his shirt. Cas twisted, turning over to face Dean. This was closer than they had ever been before. If he moved his head just another inch he could kiss Cas.

“I knew you liked me. It was rather obvious, and I still did what I did. I beat myself up over that for years you know. It makes me feel even worse now knowing why you wouldn’t talk to me. God I was so stupid.” He squeezed his eyes shut and even in the dim lamp light Dean could see the tear that slipped down his cheek. He reached up to wipe it away.

“My first time was with a girl too. Her name was Lisa. She was beautiful and I wanted so much to like her. I ended up liking her cousin Alan better.” Dean said with a soft laugh. Cas’ eyes opened and he smiled.

“You knew even back then when you came to stay with us?” He asked.

“You were the reason I realized I was gay. I was confused at first but it didn’t take me too long to figure it out.” Dean replied.

“Holy crap, seriously?” Cas asked, blue eyes widening in surprised.

“I’d never seen anyone so beautiful, and haven’t ever since.” Dean told him and he meant it.

“I think you’re still drunk Dean.” Cas said, but he was smiling. It made Dean smile too. His hand was now resting on Cas’ hip and he ran it lightly up his side, feeling the other man’s breath hitch.

“I’m sober now. I never stay drunk for long.” He yawned, aiming his mouth away so Cas wouldn’t be overwhelmed by his sour, whiskey filled breath. 

“Why were you drinking in the first place?” Cas was looking at him and though Dean couldn’t see how blue his eyes were in this lighting, he knew they were staring straight into his soul.

“I just have stuff on my mine is all. My life isn’t all wine and roses.” Dean pulled his hand away as he rolled onto his back. Suddenly lying here with Cas in his bed was a bit too much.

“No one’s is. But you know you can always talk to me Dean.”

“Can we just sleep? I’m tired.” Dean said. Cas sighed beside him.

“Of course Dean.”

“But come here.” Dean needed Cas closer. He didn’t think he’d be able to sleep if he couldn’t hold him close. He turned on his side again and Cas moved closer, still facing him. He lowered his head, laying his head against Dean’s chest. Dean wrapped his arms around his old friend and closed his eyes. It wasn’t long before they had both drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...do you like it so far? Yay or Nay? I love angst and this is an important chapter for revelations and admittance of feelings that have been neglected for too long. 
> 
> Please don't hate Benny. I love him. 
> 
> Leave a comment or a kudos. More chapters coming.


	8. Dean Leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Dean to go home with his uncle and Cas can't figure out why Dean won't talk to him. Cas cries.
> 
> Sorry it's short but I'm giving each time stamp it's own chapter.

May 1990

Dean had already packed everything he owned the moment Chuck had told him that the judge had sided with Bobby and that his uncle was going to be coming to get him. He had nothing left here, not after what he’d seen the day before. He just wanted to go home, to be with Sam, Bobby, and Ellen, and to start his life over. He needed to erase Cas from his memory as soon as possible. Gabriel walked in and saw him packing.

“I bet you’re excited, huh.” Dean could hear the bittersweet tone to Gabriel’s voice.

“Very. I can’t wait to be with my brother again. I miss him like crazy.” Dean said.

“I bet. I’m happy for you. Most of the foster kids that come through here don’t end up with such happy endings. I’m just glad that you have an uncle that loves you so much.”

Dean looked up, giving him a soft smile. “Me too. I’m lucky to have him.”

The door opened and Castiel walked in. His expression was dark, unreadable, but Dean deliberately ignored him. Gabriel looked at his brother and shrugged. Dean had refused to talk to Castiel last night at all, and apparently he was still giving him the cold treatment. He knew though how it was tearing his brother apart to be ignored like that. Castiel moved over to the desk in the corner and picked up a notebook that he knew was Dean’s and carried it over to the bed.

“Here, this is yours.” He spoke softly and it hurt Dean to hear him like that, but he was still so angry. Without looking up he yanked the notebook out of Castiel’s hand and shoved it into his book bag. 

“What did I do Dean? Why won’t you talk to me?” Castiel sounded on the verge of tears and his voice was wavering. But still Dean did not look up. Instead he got to his feet, abandoning his packing and walked right out of the room. Castiel turned to look at his brother and Gabriel could see that there were indeed tears in his brother’s eyes and he was swallowing in a vain attempt to keep from just breaking down.

“I don’t know what I did Gabe. What did I do?” 

Gabriel got up and pulled his brother into a hug. “I don’t know what Dean’s problem is. Something is hurting him. We might never know what.”

“I’m going to miss him. I wanted to stay in touch but I don’t think he wants to.” Castiel did break down then, sobbing into his older brother’s shoulder. Gabriel just hugged him tighter, rubbing his back gently.

“He has our address. If he really wants to stay in touch, he will. Let’s just hope he does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More coming still....Leave a comment or a kudos if you like it so far....


	9. The Morning After the Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes the next morning to find Cas gone, but he remembers what he told the man the night before, and his emotions are in turmoil over the whole thing. He gets ready to head to Cas' house.

July 2015

Dean woke and groaned as a pain shot through his head. The room was brighter than he liked and it took him a few minutes before he was able to open his eyes. As he stretched he realized he was alone in the bed.

“Cas?” He called out. There was no answer. He sat up on his elbows and looked around. Had he just been dreaming again last night? His phone was chirping again on the nightstand so he reached over and grabbed it. He slid the button to unlock it and saw that he had waiting text messages. He found that Cas had texted him.

Cas: I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. I forgot I had a meeting at eight so I had to head home and get ready. But please, I do still want you to come over tonight. 

Dean rubbed the grit out of his eyes. So he hadn’t been dreaming and everything they’d said had been for real. He wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about that. Opening himself up to Cas again was a terrifying thought, but what was even more frightening was that he wanted that badly. He wanted to love Cas, to get lost in him, to feel the other man’s love enveloping him. Right now though his head hurt too much to really focus on his feelings. A knock at his door pulled him out of his thoughts. He got up and went to the door and opened it. Sam was standing there looking like death warmed over.

“Sup Sammy?” 

Sam glared at him in irritation but Dean knew it was the hangover talking. His brother wasn’t actually mad at him.

“What the fuck happened last night? I don’t remember leaving your room but I woke up face down in my own bed this morning. Did you take me back to my room?” Sam asked as he walked in and went to sit in the armchair.

“No man, you left on your own. I couldn’t even stand up straight. Give me ten minutes, I desperately need to brush my teeth and take a shower, I feel like shit.” Dean shuffled towards the bathroom.

“You smell like it too.” Sam called out before he closed the door.

“Shut up bitch.” Dean called out.

“You first jerk.” Sam called back. 

Dean smirked as he quickly brushed his teeth and tongue, ridding himself of the bitter aftertaste that the whiskey had left behind and then stripped down. He stumbled into the shower and let the hot water wash away most of his aches and pains. As he scrubbed shampoo into his hair the events of the night before began to come back to him. Cas had been here. In his bed. Had they done anything? He racked his brain for a moment trying to remember. No, they had cuddled, and Cas had cried some. Why had Cas cried though? Had he made Cas cry? He paused his scrubbing to think. He had admitted to seeing Cas with Meg that day so long ago, and it had left Cas guilt ridden. He hadn’t even intended to bring that up. Like….ever. But his drunken mind apparently felt it was an important topic, and so he had blurted it out, and in a goddamn text message too! He finished scrubbing in the shampoo and then rinsed his hair. With the shower over he toweled off and then did a quick shave. He felt ten times better when he returned to his room. Sam looked up at him with bleary eyes, clearly displeased that Dean looked better than he did now.

“Cas was here last night.” He said suddenly. Sam sat up a little straighter, a confused look on his face.

“What? How? I don’t remember him being here.”

Dean grabbed clean underwear from his suitcase and shrugged them on under his towel. “No, after you left, he just showed up. I guess I was drunk texting him and I scared him, so he came over.” Now Sam looked more interested.

“And…what happened?”

Dean shrugged and sat down on the edge of his bed. “We talked. I told him I saw him that day. He actually cried over it. Said he felt horrible and guilty and some other shit.” He took a deep breath. “He said he loved me Sam. Said he still does.” He looked over at his brother. Sam’s eyebrows were raised. Clearly he was trying to process this information just as Dean still was trying to.

“And…how do you feel about that?”

Dean grunted and fell back on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. “I don’t know, ok? A part of me is like super excited. He was my first crush and fuck, I loved him, ok? But a part of me is still stuck back in 1990, feeling hurt and betrayed, even though I know I have absolutely no right to. He still wants me to come over tonight.”

“You should go. Isn’t it worth trying to figure this out? Isn’t he worth it? I know for a fact that no guy in your life has ever lived up to Cas. Not even Benny. Did you do anything with him last night?” Sam asked. Dean sat up quickly.

“No! I mean…I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t even do that. I just held him like he used to hold me after nightmares when I first went to stay with his family. I really don’t know what I should do here Sam.” He sighed and fell back on the bed again.

“I think you should stay for a while, try to figure things out. If you go back home Benny is going to cloud your judgement, and the only way you’re going to know for sure what you want is to stay clear headed and to give Cas a real chance.” Sam said.

Goddamn Sam and his goddamn logic. Dean sighed again. His brother was right.

“Benny drunk texted me last night. Like seriously? I just gave him a promotion yesterday and he went and got drunk, and then texted me to tell me how much he still loves me. I can’t take much more of that Sammy. He’s beginning to grate on my nerves.”

“I’m heading back in the morning. I’ll have a talk with him about it. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle about it.” Sam said. Dean nodded. He didn’t think he could have the necessary conversation with Benny to get it through to him that they were really, truly over. He knew he lacked the willpower for it. He sat up and reached over to grab a tee shirt out of his suitcase.

“So I’ll go see Cas tonight. I’m actually looking forward to it. Do you think maybe we could have something? Like for real? I wanted him for so damn long…” Dean’s voice trailed off as he thought about the Cas he had known so long ago, with his gentle touches and kind words. He was still the same, only now Dean knew that Cas loved him. And fuck. He loved Cas too. There was no denying he always had, even as angry as he had been as a kid.

“Yes, I do think you two could. Hell, I think you already do, but you need to stop dwelling in the past Dean. Give the man a chance. He’s not the same fourteen year old kid making fourteen year old mistakes. He’s an adult man and he loves you. Seriously, give him a chance. I think he’s the only person that could really make you happy.”

“You know, I hate it when you’re right.” He said with a shaky laugh as he found a pair of jeans and pulled them on. “Let’s go get something to eat and go sightseeing. It’s been forever since we’ve been back here.”

He pulled on his socks and boots before grabbing his phone and wallet. Sam got to his feet with a groan and followed him out the door. Until he had to leave to go to Cas’ later he planned to reacquaint himself with his childhood home.

Dean and Sam parted ways in the late afternoon. Sam’s head was splitting and he needed a nap. Dean went back to his room to charge his phone which had died and to pick out something to wear to Cas’. His phone chirped on the desk where it was charging and he slid the button to unlock it. More texts. Benny again.

Benny: Dean, I’m sorry about last night. I was celebrating my promotion and I had a wee too much to drink. Forgive me?

Another one an hour later.

Benny: Sugar, are you avoiding me? I said I’m sorry.

Two hours after that.

Benny: Dean? What the hell? I said I’m sorry. Please don’t ignore me.

Annoyed Dean quickly texted him back.

Dean: Wasn’t ignoring you. Forgot to charge my phone last night and then I went out with Sam today. It died. It’s fine, I know you were drunk. No harm, no foul. Just maybe text Jo next time you drink, k? 

Benny texted back within minutes.

Benny: I do apologize. I can’t help that I still love you, though I’m trying. 

Dean: Benny, please, stop. We’ve gone over this again and again, and I’m done, ok? Just stop.

Benny: Maybe you should give the management position to Jo instead. I know I make it hard for you by being here. I don’t want things to continue to be difficult between us. I think I’ll go visit my family in Baton Rouge for a while, give you some space.

Dean: You are fully capable of running the shop. Stop being a little bitch about it and feeling sorry for yourself. I’m not going to be back for a while. I’m staying here for an indefinite period of time. I will let Bobby and Jo know this, so don’t tell them. I need to work some things out here and I am giving us both the space we need. It will be fine Benny. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. And I do want you to run the shop. Please don’t be angry with me.

It was almost time to leave for Cas’ before Benny finally responded.

Benny: Sugar, I could never be mad at you. I only wish you could have felt the same for me as I feel for you. But I want you to be happy, and I know you need the space. Take as long as you need. Besides, I have a date this Friday. Sweet girl named Andrea. I think you’d like her. See? Moving on Dean. I don’t want things to be weird between us, you’re still my best friend.

Dean: I’m happy for you. I hope it works out between you two, and if it does, I’d love to meet her someday. I’ll talk to you later.

He stuffed the phone in his pocket and finished buttoning up his shirt. Taking a hint from the ever semi-formal Cas he had chosen a white button down shirt, but paired it with some faded jeans. He rolled the sleeves up almost to his elbows and went to brush his teeth and hair before heading out. Before walking to the elevator he stopped and knocked on Sam’s door. His brother opened the door and held up a finger to silence him. Sam was on the phone.

“So they’ve accepted our terms? Excellent! Yes, I’ll drawn up a new contract and have it to you by tomorrow afternoon. I’m heading back to South Dakota tomorrow but once I’m in my office I’ll get it typed up and faxed over, ok?” He paused, looking at Dean and giving him a thumbs up.

“I don’t know what Dean’s plans are, but seeing as how he’s heading over to your place right now, you can ask him yourself.” Sam paused again, listening. “Alright. It was nice meeting you too. Goodbye Cas.” Sam hung up his phone and smiled so big that Dean could see every tooth in his mouth.

“So they agreed to our terms finally?” Dean asked, smiling nearly as wide as his brother.

“Yes they did. I’ll get my secretary to whip up the contract so all you have to do is sign on our end, and then I’ll send it to Cas. And you’ll officially own the lot.” Sam replied.

Dean pulled his brother into a hug and slapped him on the back. “Thank you little brother! You are an absolutely bad ass lawyer. I’m so glad you’re on my side.”

When they pulled apart Sam was still smiling, clearly pleased with his big brother’s praise.

“So, you’re heading over to Cas’ now, right? Do you have condoms?” Sam asked, a mischievous smirk on his face. For once it was Dean that pulled a bitch face.

“Fuck you Sammy.”

“No Dean, I believe it is you that will be getting fucked tonight. At least, if you get your head out of your ass you will be.” Sam busted a gut laughing at his own joke. Dean punched him in the arm just hard enough that Sam would be feeling it for a couple of days.

“Ow! What was that for?!” Sam cried, rubbing at his arm.

“That’s for being an annoying little brother.” 

“Jerk.” Sam said.

“Bitch.”

Sam smiled and shook his head as Dean left. No way Dean was coming back to the hotel tonight, he was sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there. Next chapter will have the fluff and smut. Just warning you.


	10. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean goes to Cas's for dinner but it's so much more than that.
> 
> Aka the smut I know you all have been hoping for. Enjoy!

The night was warm and it was too short of a distance to Cas’ house for Dean to justify driving, so he left his car in the lot and decided to walk. He nodded and smiled politely at the people that he passed, feeling lighter and freer than he had in years. As he got closer to Cas’ house he suddenly felt nervous. For twenty five years all he had wanted was to hold Cas again and to tell him he loved him, and last night he had done just that. It absolutely blew his mind knowing that Cas felt the same way back. 

Cas’ house was a two story white Victorian with a large porch and an absolutely perfect flower garden. It was a family home and Dean was surprised that Cas had chosen such a big house just for himself. He climbed the stairs and rang the bell. It was only a few seconds before the door opened and he found himself staring into a very familiar pair of blue eyes. Cas almost looked relieved to see him.

“What, did you think I would bail on you?” He joked. 

“Actually, I wasn’t sure. I was worrying myself silly thinking you just might.” Cas admitted. He pushed open the screen door to let Dean in.

“I’m not an asshole Cas.” 

Cas looked embarrassed. Dean hated seeing him like that. “I know you’re not. I apologize for doubting you.”

They stood awkwardly in front of one another for a minute before Cas motioned for Dean to follow him. The floor plan of the house was definitely modernized with an open concept and rich wood floors that Dean immediately loved. To the right was a large kitchen and that was where Cas was heading.

“You never answered my question last night as to whether you liked lasagna still or not. I made one from scratch but if you don’t like it I can order something else.” Cas said as he grabbed oven mitts and pulled a ceramic dish from the oven.

“I love lasagna. Ellen makes it regularly and every time she does, she invites me over for dinner. She doesn’t make it nearly enough though.” Dean slid onto one of the stools that lined the enormous marble island. Cas set the lasagna down on it and pulled the mitts off. Dean watched him move around the kitchen, gathering plates and carrying them to the dining room which was just past the kitchen.

“Still with the formality?” Dean teased as he watched Cas set the table. Cas smiled, his cheeks reddening slightly.

“Some habits are hard to break. Naomi had some influence on me as well. I’m just glad that this was one of the better things she taught me.”

“Do you need help?” Dean asked.

“There’s garlic bread warming in the oven now, can you grab it? There’s another pair of oven mitts hanging on the wall by the stove.” Cas replied.

Dean back tracked to the kitchen, found the mitts, and carried the garlic bread to the dining room. Cas motioned towards a trivet on the table and Dean set the bread down. The entire meal smelled divine and his mouth was actually watering at the sight of it. Cas had gone back to the kitchen and he returned with a big bowl of salad and two bottles of dressing. 

“Please, sit Dean. I’ll get us something to drink and be right back.” Cas set the salad down and hurried back to the kitchen. He returned a moment later with a bottle of wine and two wine glasses.

“You really went all out here.” Dean said, admiring the effort that Cas had made. 

“Is it too much?” Cas asked as he eyed the meal, a look of concern on his face.

“No, not at all. It’s great. Shall we eat?” Dean looked at him expectantly and Cas smiled.

“Of course.”

The meal was delicious and they ate slowly, talking about the sale and how Cas had negotiated most of the afternoon with the Blakes over their ridiculous demands. He had finally managed to talk some sense into them and get them to realize that if they didn’t accept Dean’s terms, Dean would take his business elsewhere and they’d be left still with a plot of land they couldn’t do anything with. He was quite pleased with himself and Dean liked hearing the excitement in his voice as he talked. It reminded him of Sam and his passion for law. Dean was just thrilled that they had agreed to the terms and that he would officially own the land. He always loved opening a new shop. They drank wine as the conversation turned to more trivial things such as Dean’s ridiculous work ethic and what he did when he actually took time away from work to do things, and what his favorite movies were. They somehow made their way from the dining room to the living room, and Cas brought the wine bottle with. They were pleasantly buzzed and Dean found that he loved just sitting and talking with Cas like he used to. The sound of his voice, the way he would lightly touch Dean’s arm to make a point about something, the way he looked at him, it all brought up the long dormant butterflies in Dean’s belly that he was certain had been dead and rotting all these years. During a lull in the conversation that felt natural and calming Cas reached over to touch his hand. It was tentative, as though he wasn’t sure he was allowed to do this, but Dean turned his hand over, palm up, loving the way Cas smiled when he placed his own hand down on it and their fingers became entwined.

“Are you leaving tomorrow with Sam?” Cas asked. His eyes were on his wine glass as though he were scared of what Dean’s answer might be. The whole point of promoting Benny had been so he could stay longer, but Dean could see the worry in his eyes, and the fear that he would just up and leave still.

“No, I actually think I’m going to stick around for a little bit. We…have some things still to work out I think.” Dean replied. He was incredibly nervous sitting here. It was so surreal knowing that now he could have Cas, finally. Age was not an issues, girls were not an issue. Cas wanted him, and he wanted Cas just as much. 

“Really?” Cas was looking up and those blue eyes of his were so filled with hope that it made Dean’s heart ache a bit to see it. 

“Yeah, really.” He replied softly. He set his wine glass on the coffee table and reached over to take Cas’ and set it down as well. Cas was watching him, his eyes wide, and Dean was struck again by how absolutely beautiful this man was. He tugged gently on Cas’ hand.

“Come here gorgeous.” Cas blushed at the term of endearment but he did move closer. Dean took his free hand and brought it up to cup Cas’ cheek, letting his thumb rub gently across the smooth skin there. Cas leaned into his touch, his eyes closing as he sighed softly. In that moment Dean was certain that staying here in Kansas was what was right. He wanted to be here, with Cas, as long as this man would have him. Before Cas could open his eyes Dean leaned in and kissed him. There was no hesitation from the other man. Cas sighed a second time before opening his mouth and letting his tongue meet Dean’s. Dean let go of his hand and reached out to pull Cas even closer. Cas went willingly, his own fingers winding through Dean’s hair and pulling him even deeper into the kiss. 

“Dean, I-” Cas seemed at a loss for words as Dean’s mouth moved from his lips to his earlobe to his throat, and he moaned softly. 

“What Cas?” Dean asked as he kissed and licked his way down to the skin exposed above the open collar of Cas’ shirt, relishing in the way the other man shivered and moaned in his arms.

“Dean, I was serious last night. I- I love you. I’ve always loved you.” It came out somewhere between a gasp and a moan, but the words shattered the last of the anger that Dean had harbored all these years, and filled him with even more love and desire for Cas.

“I know. And despite holding on to an unnecessary amount of anger for so long I never stopped loving you Cas. God, I loved you so much, I still do. It almost hurts how much l love you. I held on to that all these years thinking I’d never see you again.” Dean laid his forehead against Cas’ chest and took a moment to get his emotions under control. He didn’t want to cry again, but this was overwhelming. Cas reached up, taking Dean’s face in his hands and lifting his head so that he could look him in the eye.

“This is our chance to start over, ok? There’s nothing that can come between us now. I love you Dean. I’m so glad you’re going to stay. You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

Cas was kissing him again and Dean grabbed the man by his hips and pulled him into his lap. Cas obliged, straddling him, his mouth hungrily seeking out Dean’s. Dean found the edge of Cas’ neatly tucked in dress shirt and tugged it up until he could slip a hand under it. The way Cas groaned at his touch made him throb and he had to resist the urge to grind up into the other man. Dean’s phone chose that moment to chirp in his pocket. He pulled it out long enough to turn it off before tossing it aside. Whoever was texting could wait til tomorrow. He went back to pulling Cas’ shirt out of his pants so that he could run his hands over the smooth muscles of his chest, his stomach, his back, and then Cas was shuddering and grinding down into him. 

“Fuck…” Dean breathed out heavily, his head falling back against the couch. Cas’ mouth immediately went to his neck, kissing and nibbling at the exposed skin as long fingers began to work at the buttons of his shirt. Before he realized what was happening his shirt was open and Cas was working his teeth over one of his nipples. More moans were pulled from him as Cas kissed and sucked at every inch of exposed flesh he could reach. All Dean could think was that his deepest fantasies were finally coming true, and that he didn’t deserve this. Cas was beautiful and intelligent, and kind, and way too good for him. But he didn’t care. The fates were giving him the man he had loved for most of his life, and he was going to greedily take him as his own.

“Cas… God, fuck…I want you so bad…” 

Cas sat back a bit to look at him. “Baby, you have me. You’ll always have me if that’s what you want. I want this too. Come on.”

He got up and pulled Dean to his feet. They kissed slowly, hands searching each other’s bodies, their fingers memorizing one another, learning every dip, every curve, as Cas led him down the hall to a flight of stairs, and then up to the second floor.

“Here.” Cas said, stopping outside a closed door. He reached behind himself to open it as Dean nibbled at the tender skin behind his ear, making him cry out. Somehow he managed to get Dean into the room and over to the bed. When his knees hit the back of it he fell, and Dean was immediately on top of him, pulling at his shirt to get it off. Cas obliged and let the shirt be removed. He pushed Dean back just enough so that he could move up to lay back against the pillows. Dean crawled up the bed and straddled him once again, his hands running over the smooth skin of Cas’ stomach and down to the sharp jut of his hips where they peeked above his belt. Dean undid the belt, sliding it from his pants and dropping it to the floor before unbuttoning the pants and pulling them off. 

“You’re so beautiful Cas, everything I could ever want…” Dean said softly before moving lower on the bed to kiss at Cas’ hips, sucking marks into the skin there as his fingers slid under Cas’ boxers and kneaded the soft flesh of his thighs.

“Dean!” Cas gasped, throwing his head back as Dean mouthed his erection through the soft cotton of his boxers. Seeing Cas like this was better than any fantasy he could have ever come up with on his own.

“Dean, you’re still dressed!” Cas hissed and grabbed at his shirt. Dean chuckled and sat up to pull it off. He undid his own belt and then his pants, letting them fall to the floor. Cas’ eyes widened as he took in Dean’s firm body clad now in just a pair of tight boxer briefs that were straining to contain his own erection.

“Fuck you’re hot!” Cas gasped and Dean gave a small laugh at the heated compliment. He leaned over Cas again, kissing him, loving the way long, slender fingers slid across his skin, raising goosebumps wherever they touched and setting his skin on fire. Those same hands found their way to his ass and gripped it firmly, forcing him down so their groins were pressed together. Cas ground up into him, desperate for the friction and Dean let out a loud moan. 

“Please, Dean…” Cas begged as he tried to pull Dean’s underwear down. Dean sat back, hooked a thumb in the thin fabric and pulled them off in one quick move. With a growl Cas grabbed him and Dean found himself flat on his back, the air rushing out of him in surprise, and then he was gasping as Cas’ mouth was suddenly swallowing him down in one quick movement.

“Gah!” The word escaped his throat, nothing more than a strangled cry of pleasure as Cas worked his tongue up the shaft and across the head, stopping to dip into the slit and lick away the drop of pre-come that was beaded there, and then he was swallowing Dean down again, hollowing his cheeks and sucking as he drew upward.

“Cas! I’m close…” He cried as he felt the heat in his belly reaching near explosive levels. 

Cas pulled off, stopping to lick and nibbled at the soft flesh of his inner thighs which just elicited more moans from Dean.

“Dean, I want to be inside you, is that ok with you?” Cas leaned up so he could see Dean’s face. 

“Yes, I want you inside me.” Dean spread his legs wider. Cas smiled, leaning over to open the drawer of his nightstand and pulling out a bottle of lube.

“I’m clean, just so you know. I get tested every six months. I haven’t had sex in years though. I still get tested regularly.” Cas said as he poured some of the viscous liquid on his hand and moved it around a bit to warm it up.

“Me too. I get tested too, have ever since I became sexually active, but I’ve never gone bareback. I just always liked to be safe.” Dean said. Cas looked up. He had one finger slowly circling the tight ring of muscles at Dean’s opening.

“Do you want me to wear a condom?” Cas asked. Dean shook his head.

“No, I want you just the way you are.” That made Cas smile and he pressed another kiss to Dean’s thigh as he worked a finger into him. Dean moaned, loving how it felt to have Cas’ above him, working him open. When Cas had a second finger inside him he curled them, brushing against the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of Dean, and smiled when Dean practically screamed. He soon had a third finger inside and Dean was panting under him, hips thrusting down on his fingers as he clutched at the sheets. His body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and Cas leaned over to lick a strip from his hip to his belly button. Dean cried out as he pressed down again on Cas’ fingers. Slowly Cas pulled out, smiling at the way Dean whimpered at the loss.

“Cas, come on…” Dean begged, panting and pressing his hips up, seeking any kind of friction he could get and whimpering in frustration when there was none. Cas moved up, pushing his legs wider as he grabbed the bottle of lube and poured a generous amount into his hand. Slowly he stroked himself, his eyelids fluttering at the sensation.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ve got you.” He purred as he lined himself up and slowly pressed in. Dean let out a sob of relief as he slowly began to fill up, and soon Cas’ hips were flush against the backs of his thighs. He made no effort to remain quiet once Cas began to move, first in slow, even strokes and then faster, angling his hips to hit that same bundle of nerves until Dean was screaming under him and begging him for more. 

Cas’ head fell against Dean’s shoulder as he increased his thrusts to a near dizzying pace. He lifted up just enough to wrap one hand around Dean to start stroking him at the same pace he was grinding into him at. It didn’t take long before Dean’s entire body went rigid and he let out one last scream as he came. As soon as his body tensed and muscles clenched around Cas he felt his own orgasm slam into him and he followed only a few strokes behind Dean, letting out a short scream of his own. Spent, he collapsed on top of Dean, pulling out as he went. Dean wrapped his arms around him and kissed the top of his head.

“Shit Cas, that was amazing.” Dean was gasping, still trying to catch his breath and Cas tilted his head up to look at him.

“I would have to agree. I don’t think I can feel my legs right now.” Cas said with a grin.

“Good, because neither can I.” Dean said as he ran his fingers through Cas’ hair. They lay like that until the sticky mess cooling between them became uncomfortable, and then Cas got up, pulling Dean up with him. He pulled Dean into the bathroom and started a shower. Once the water was hot they both got in and Cas pulled Dean against him, kissing him slowly.

“Mmmm, stop it. I could get too used to this.” Dean sighed against his lips which just made Cas smile.

“So could I, but I wouldn’t want it with anyone but you Dean.”

Dean pulled back and for a long time they just stood there under the falling water, staring at one another. Finally Dean spoke.

“I still can’t believe I get to have this. Is your family going to be freaked out about this?”

Cas shook his head. “No. They always knew. Even my dad. Once he figured out how I really felt about you he sat me down and we had a talk. He told me that once I was twenty I should seek you out, see how you felt about me. He just wanted me to wait until you were eighteen, except I didn’t know where to look for you. I knew you had moved out of Lawrence, but I wasn’t sure where you had gone. I’d heard South Dakota, but I’d also heard Topeka, Oklahoma City and Chicago, so I wasn’t sure. And since you were adopted I thought maybe your last name had changed to Singer, so that’s what I focused on. I couldn’t find you. Eventually I had reached the end of my resources. I never really gave up though. I would have searched for you for the rest of my life if I’d needed to. You have no idea how shocked I was when I walked into that restaurant yesterday and saw you. I felt like finally, for once things were working out for me. All I could do was hope that you weren’t still angry with me. God, I lived all these years thinking that you hated me, and all I wanted to do was find you and tell you how sorry I was, though I honestly hadn’t realized why you were upset. Really, I had no idea. Gabe made me think I’d done something, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was. You broke my heart the day you left. I never really recovered from that.” 

This time it was he that leaned into Dean, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tight. Dean pulled him closer, gently stroking his back.

“If I could go back in time I would have never left like I did. I’m sorry for that. All I can say is that I’ve never been really good with expressing my emotions and I was so angry, so hurt, so jealous that I couldn’t find the words to tell you, and I felt that I would have been wrong to say anything anyway, so I kept it to myself. One thing my dad had taught me was to stay out of things that were none of my business, and you and Meg? You were definitely none of my business. I wanted you, but damn, I was just a kid. All I knew was that my heart was shattered, and I believed in that moment that I would never ever have you. So I tried to shut you out of my mind. I failed miserably. How does a twelve year old kid even fall in love in the first place? It’s insane! I didn’t have much in the way of an education on what real love was before I met you. My dad was not affectionate at all, so unless I was visiting Bobby and Ellen or I was with Sam, I never received any affection. Your family was nice, but they still kept me at arm’s length for the most part, except you and Gabe. And even Gabe still held back. You never did though. You were easy to love Cas, you always have been, and once I did love you, I couldn’t stop. I don’t think I ever could.”

Cas stood back and looked at him. “So what now? Will you be going back to South Dakota? I don’t want you to go, but if you do…I want to come with you. I don’t want to be away from you again.”

Dean leaned down the few inches it took to get right in Cas’ face and locked eyes with him.

“Cas, I told you earlier, I’m staying. I can work from anywhere, I own the company, remember? And right now I just want to be with you, see where this goes, and just…love you. When I do go back, it will be to pack my place up, and I’ll bring you with me, I promise. For now I just need to find a place here to stay…” He looked up at the shower wall, momentarily lost in thought.

“You can stay here. You don’t have to rent an apartment or house.” Cas said. Dean turned to look at him again.

“You want me here? In your house? I really should get an apartment or something.”

Cas looked annoyed. “Dean. This house is huge and living alone is lonely. I want you here. I want you in my bed every night. Don’t you want that?”

Dean placed a soft kiss on the corner of Cas’ mouth. “Of course I want that. Before we jump the gun though I need to talk to my family, and we need to talk to yours. Come back with me? Just for a few days so Bobby and Ellen can meet you.” Cas nodded eagerly.

“Of course Dean, I’ll clear my schedule whenever you’re ready.”

Dean kissed him slowly for a moment before speaking again.

“I’ll call Bobby here in a few and let him know that I’m staying. We’ll go back next month for Ellen’s birthday and I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

“Dean? Can I ask you something?” Cas asked.

“Sure, what is it?”

Cas chewed on his lower lip for a moment and Dean could see his worry.

“Spit it out Cas.” He said with a smile.

“Who’s Benny? The way you spoke to him yesterday, I got the impression he was more than just an employee.” Cas finally said. Dean sighed heavily but he maintained eye contact. The last thing he wanted was for there to be lies between them.

“Benny is my ex. We were together for three years but I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I couldn’t love him the way he deserved, so last year I broke things off. Yes, he works for me. I’ve known him close to twenty years and we were good friends long before we became anything else. He’s having a hard time letting go but he’s not being a dick about it. Well, mostly he’s not. I’m leaving him running the shop back home and hopefully the distance will help him to realize finally that we are over. You don’t have to worry about him. I was never in love with him.”

Cas nodded. “I understand. Does he know about me?”

Dean chuckled. “Well, he knew how crazy I was about you, and how angry I was for so long. Like I said, we were good friends before anything happened. I told him everything about everything. But he doesn’t know about this, about us now. It’s really none of his business, but I don’t want him thinking he still has a chance, so I will have a talk with him, but it’s something I need to do face to face. And I want him to meet you in person. To see how much I love you. I don’t want to hurt him, but I do want him to move on.” 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and leaned against him. “I want to tell Gabe first. Like tomorrow.”

“That’ll be great. I don’t have to tell Sam anything, he’s an intuitive little shit.” 

“Come on, let’s wash up and go to bed.” Cas said as he reached for a bottle of body wash. 

The rest of the shower was quick as they washed up and then dried off. Cas stripped the sheets off the bed after realizing they were now wet and Dean helped him put the new ones on. When they were finished they climbed into bed and Dean pulled Cas into his arms, tangling their limbs together. While he had always felt safe sleeping with his brother as a kid, there was still an element of fear at the back of his mind, wondering what if their lives fell apart again? What if Sam was lost to him, this time forever? With Cas there was none of that. Cas wasn’t going anywhere, and for the first time in more than two decades Dean slept peacefully knowing that he had everything he could ever want in this life right here in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's almost over now. I hope you all are enjoying it. Soon Sam will have his talk with Benny, and I'm working on when Dean takes Cas home to meet the family. Not sure exactly yet how I plan to work on that angle. I hope you're all enjoying this. Leave a kudos or a comment, I read every single one. Thank you all for reading!


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